down low

it's back. that sadness, that feeling of dread when i'm here in manila. i wish i could just stay back home, where i am most wanted, and appreciated, and alive. i wish i could escape the inevitable truth and carry on living my wonderful life with that new someone. i wish i could be free, from the shackles of expectations, and of the world. i wish i could be whole.

defeat

always, when i feel down and low, i return to blogger. where i can be my own self, without embellishment, without regrets. always i turn to the power of words, to channel my feelings, and unload the burden, of being sad, defeated. always it has borne witness to my wails, in school, in love, in life. it has documented who i am, how i am, and perhaps, how i will always be.

and now, i write again. in here. allowing this space, once more, to record who i am, to remind me of what i am, and how i have always conquered. layers and layers of myself i have bared, and layers and layers left to be bared. i am me. here. now. but sad, with sorrow, defeated. humbled and sad.

i long for that escape. i yearn for that call.

and it may never come.

defeat.

difference

millions out there experience the same thing.

why should i be any different?

state of suspension

it's raining, drops of water from the sky nourishing the thirsty from underneath. i wish it could reach me, way inside the four corners of this room.

where i wait.

and wait.

and wait.

puso ng saging

hahaha! total laugh trip!

on commuting

i absolutely abhor public transport in this freaking country. i so hate it.

from the mrt to the two lrt lines, to the bloody jeepneys and buses, i curse them and all the sweaty and stinking people riding in them.

argh.

p.s.: apologies to all, i just had a really really REALLY horrible experience commuting yesterday. ;p

home

in a few hours, i'd be heading back to my hometown. after many many monhts, i'd be spending time again in the place where i grew up, in that place that first taught me the things that i need to learn in life. it's amazing how i miss my home; how, now that i think about it, i miss the chirping of the birds every morning that i wake up; how i miss the soothing rays of the early morning sun as they peek through my window in the room that i have always considered mine. yes, i'm heading back. i'm returning not only to the place that will always occupy a part of my heart, but also to the childhood memories that i have always always cherished.

i'm coming home.

i'm coming home.

bar review withdrawal syndrome

it's 10:15 am and i'm not cursing myself for not studying this past few hours.

weird.

twisted

it's weird not having to talk about school stuff and exams. after four and a half years of ranting about nothing except how difficult law school is, how class recitation sucks out your soul, how midterm and final exams are the professors' way of kicking you in the ass, the fact that i have none of those forthcoming makes my world surreal. aside from the fact that i have been having bar review withdrawal syndrome, i seem to have lost the stress level i associate to this time of the year. don't get me wrong, i mean, i am all elated that i have nothing else to worry about, but somehow, somewhere in the deep confines of my consciousness, i may have been seriously craving for the stress and the adrenaline rush that almost always accompanies it. it's like i continuously curse this right of passage, as it were, but secretly, i'm actually addicted to it.

whew, talk about weird addictions.

talk about twisted.

tsk tsk

what is your profession?

few hours ago, ker complained that he still needs a whole lot of studying to do for the day.

i gasped, turned my head in shock, and slowly murmured, "ker, tapos na ako."

tears started to well up in my eyes. it finally hit home: the bar is over. i am free.

for frenchies

aba aba aba, i'd like to see some french guy "try" to kick this batangueno's ass. Then he'll know why batanguenos are called war freaks. no no my dear, not when this particular batangueno just took the bar. good luck to you. ;p

just another senseless blog entry

just a quick post before i head off to starbucks 6750 to do my last minute preparations for the last sunday of the torture that is the bar.

at long last, after almost half a year of putting my whole life on hold, i am finally nearing the end of the tunnel. i can almost feel the shackles of my study chair--in my room where i fermented for the most time these past few weeks--going off. i can almost hear that familiar sound of the key turning and the lock losing its grip on me, on my life. after this sunday, i'd be ready to face all that which i neglected, all that which i let pass me through, all debts left unpaid. which is the same thing as saying, all those who helped me, get ready for my own brand of reward. all those who crossed me, beware, i'm up for vengeance! hehehe... joke of course.

but then again, as they say, jokes are half meant. haahaha... ;p

oh well, this is just another senseless blog entry. i'm off to starbucks then. ;p

question

why do people pin high hopes on getting something (or someone, for that matter) that they can't have in the first place anyway?

haaay.

one liners

my fave one liner from this post:

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

hehehe... ;p

Harry Potter - Ateneo Style!

(Got this from mikabelle. Bless her! ;p)

Chapter One: Before The Storm

Fr. Bienvenido Nebres SJ was just finishing the day's work when Harry Potter, a senior of the Ateneo de Manila, burst into his office.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry shouted

"Harry!" a surprised Nebres said. "I thought you were out of school destroying the horcruxes to kill Lord Voldemort."

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I discovered that there are two horcruxes here in Ateneo itself. Voldemort has enlisted the help of the De La Salle University and the University of Santo Tomas. They are coming."

"Don't worry, Harry." Nebres said "You know for a fact that Ateneo-- its teachers and students -- are more than capable of defending our Loyola campus. We will hold them off while you search for the horcruxes and destroy them. You will need this." He waved of his wand and out of the air appeared a sword. "The sword of St. Ignatius." Nebres said. "Powerful enough to destroy the two horcruxes."

"Thank you, Father" Harry said. And with that, he sped off to find the last two things which protect Lord Voldemort.

Nebres then waved his wand once more and this time, four people appeared in his office. "Marlu, Rudy, Toby and Joey. The school is in danger"

Nebres then explained the situation to the four Deans of the Ateneo de Manila University.

"I want you to assemble all remaining students in the college covered courts. We must evacuate the freshmen through Marikina. The sophomore, junior and senior students may stay and fight if they want to. Next, I need you to assemble all the teachers, both part time and full time."

Without a word, the four deans Disapparated and went on with their tasks. Nebres too Disapparated back to the Jesuit Residence and briefed the Society about the impending attack.

Fr. Adolfo Dacanay was the assigned to lead the Jesuits to battle "My team is ready to fight anytime anywhere. We will crush them!"

"Excellent." Nebres said

After a few minutes, Nebres, the four Deans and some members of the faculty and administration gathered in Xavier Hall to discuss the battle plan.

"The School of Humanities can summon mythical creatures to help defend us." Marlu Vilches said "The English Department professors are summoning creatures from Dante's Inferno and Greek Mythology as we speak. The Filipino Department is summoning all the manananggals and white ladies from the haunted trees on campus"

"The Philosophy Department" interjected Fr. Ferriols "is summoning creatures from Meron pond right now. Those rascals will soon feel the wrath of Meron! Magiging WALA silang lahat! Konsepto lamang sila!"

"Now is the time to test the newest chemicals and inventions from our SEC laboratories. " Toby Dayrit said, "The Department of Environmental Science professors are enchanting the trees to life right now. We will purge them with the help of Mother Nature."

"I have just received a call from MVP" Rudy Ang said "Reinforcements from Makati are coming soon."

"My apples and sunshine are ready to fight as well" Tim Gabuna said. "Go CERSA!"

"I have just finished briefing my school. The Department of History is ready to fight. The Western history professors led by Dave Lozada and JoEd Tirol are summoning the three hundred Spartans and soldiers from the World War II to fight. Fr Bulatao and the Department of Psychology are locked inside the SocSci Conference room right now. They will use their psychic powers to toy with our enemy's mind."

"I have roused the athletes also." Norman Black beside Ricky Palou said. "They are ready to put up One Big Fight with their super strength."

A voice interrupted them. "I KNOW YOU ARE PREPARING TO FIGHT! You are no match for us! I have allied myself with the La Salle brothers and the Dominicans of UST. You cannot win against me, Jesuits. Push the limit! Animo Spirit! Give us Harry Potter and the sword of St. Ignatius and we will let you live! We will even let you win some of the games."


Chapter Two: More Help

The Ateneans ignored the warning and instead began to prepare for the impending battle. A few minutes later, the voice shouted for a second time:

"I can see you are not listening! It is such a pity. What happened to your Prayer for Generosity? Give me Harry Potter and the Sword of St Ignatius. Give without counting the cost, you always say! You have until midnight. I also call on all students of La Salle Greenhills and La Salle Zobel. It is not too late. Come and join us. Convert! Repent!"

Fr. Dacanay, interrupting his briefing with his exorcists turned and said "The idiot is taking the prayer out of context. Besides, St Ignatius also said to fight without fear of being wounded. And we will do just that."

Three figures -- two women and a man -- suddenly appeared. "We are from the Department of Sociology and Anthropology" said the man.

"Ricky Abad!" Fr. Nebres exclaimed.

"I brought with me our Department Chair Bopeep Saloma-Akpedonu. And this is Czarina Medina, one of our newest lecturers. We apologize for being late. We were preparing our I-bombs."

"I-bombs? What are I-bombs?" Nebres asked.

"Ideology bombs. Once they detonate, they will spread false consciousness in the area -- the La Salle brothers and the Tomasians will think they are winning. It is all false really. We will use their pride against them."

"Excellent. Excellent." Nebres said. "And here comes Andrew Ty and Mark Escaler for the Department of Communication. "

"Yes!" Escaler said "we will infiltrate their communication processes by adding "noise" and ambiguity between the message relay of the sender and the receiver so orders can be reversed and thwarted!"

"The creatures from my horror films are coming!" Andrew Ty said. "We will use them to our advantage!"

"Father President! Some people are coming!" somebody shouted.

Some five hundred people then Apparated out of nowhere. Wearing either red or white shirts, they marched towards Nebres. A young man then stepped forward.

"We are from the University of the Philippines. " said the young man. "For years, our academic communities have built a strong relationship with each other. We have shared professors. We went to rallies together. We have had our differences. Yes. But in the end, our similarities and accomplishments outweigh our differences. .. We are here to help! We are honored to fight with Ateneo once more!"

Cheers and applause errupted from all sides.

"Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baba from the hill" the Ateneans cheered

Five minutes to midnight.

The School of Humanities stood with their mythical creatures summoned from the Classics, and the haunted trees and the gigantic swamp creatues from the Meron pond.

The John Gokongwei School of Management with their reinforcements from Makati, along with Venus Ibarra, Ricky Pilar and other professors.

The School of Science and Engineering with their mysterious inventions and weapons. The gigantic trees in the campus now walking sluggishly by their side.

The School of Social Sciences with their unique yet powerful defensive weapons; the Psychology Department ready for the psy-war.

The Ateneo Professional Schools ready to defend their Loyola-based counterparts; the two fraternities in the Law School forging a temporary alliance.

The Alumni, the D.A. (Dalandan's Army), led by Benjie Laza and Mon Cualoping.

The statues of Tomas More, Horacio dela Costa, the Blue Eagle come to life.

The students from U.P.

Two horcruxes left.

Now all is still, where Loyola's colors fly.


Chapter Three: One Big Fight

Midnight.

There was a burst of light emanating from the sky, brighter than the moon and the stars. What seemed like a horde of fireflies turned out to be arrows. Thousands of arrows. Tips on fire.

The arrows struck the Blue Eagle Gym. The oldest building in the University. The symbol of their athletic pride. Now aflame.

Toby Dayrit tossed a beaker of water to the burning building. He pointed his wand at the beaker now mid-air and shouted his spell "Magis." The water transformed into a surf huge enough to douse the fire. The Blue Eagle Gym was safe.

The archers outside roared their disappointment. But they shot again, this time targeting the Erenchun soccer field where some of the Ateneans were camped. Nebres pointed his wand at the arrows raining from the sky and shouted his incantation "Cura personalis" and the thousand arrows turned into bubbles.

The Ateneans cheered. The first two attacks of the LaSallians and the Tomasians have been thwarted.

"You have had your fun, Ateneans." a voice boomed. "Now it is time to get serious."

Darkness suddenly enveloped the University. The enemy had sabotaged their electricity. Immediately all the Ateneans took out and flickered their wands, "Lux in Domino" they chanted. Light emanated from all the wands.

The illumination came just in time as suddenly a stampede crushed the fences between Gate 2 and Gate 2.5. The Ateneans have realized the magnitude of their danger: it was not just the LaSallians or even just the Tomasians they were confronting; the other schools were there as well. A thousand green archers were riding the backs of the giant tigers of UST. Charging with them were the giant tamaraws and a hundred warriors whose bodies were painted red war paint. Above, falcons were soaring in the sky.

"YOU FOUL THINGS, noh?" somebody from the Ateneo crowd shouted, charging at the stampede; it was Tessa Rosana "How dare you attack us, noh? You don't know who you are dealing with, noh? TAKE THIS, noh?" She hit her gong with all her might. A powerful sound wave spread throughout the area knocking a hundred archers and animals out.

"Haha anoh?" she triumphantly yelled.

And so the other Ateneans started counterattacking as well. David Lozada and his 300 Spartans. The ROTC cadets. The mythical creatures of the School of Humanities. Dalandan's Army.

Ricky Abad and the Department of Sociology soon deployed their Ideology Bombs prompting some of the LaSallians to cheer instead of fighting. They cheered, "strawberry shortcake nananananana. " instead of "Recticano! Recticano". This allowed some of the Ateneans to easily knock the LaSallians out.

Somewhere near the Covered Courts, Norman Black was briefing his team, "Nonoy. I want you here. Chris, here. Jai, there. Alright? Any questions."

"Aaaaah! GOD DAMN IT!" a raspy voice screamed. It was Joe Lipa, former coach of the Blue Eagles, who arrived with the contingent from UP. "Just charge! Attack them! Now!" And so they did.

The LaSalle brothers and Francisco of UST were outside, watching the battle, waiting for their turn to strike.

A handful of LaSallians were found trotting back to their base.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Francisco yelled.

"You told us to retreat!" the archer said.

"You idiot! That's just Escaler and Bulatao toying with your minds! Go back! That's it! I am joining the battle!"

She then stepped forward lifted her two arms and shouted "Tiger Power! Raar! Tiger Power! Raar!" The LaSalle brothers thought she had lost her mind. But then she suddenly transformed into a giant tigress, twice larger and fiercer than the ordinary tigers. Seeing their comrade ready and willing to fight, the LaSallians cheered.

"HOY!" Goldie the Tiger roared "NO CHEERING DURING BATTLE! NO CHEERING!" Then she advanced.

Her first target was Fr. Dacanay who was busy exorcising some of the archers and paralyzing them.

"FATHER! Behind you!"

Quickly, Dacanay whirled and performed his own counterattack "Expellus Inferius" blasting her into the middle of the Erenchun field, knocking her out.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! " The La Salle brothers shouted upon seeing their comrade down. "It is time we even the score."

The earth began to quake. And out of the night came a gigantic robot. It was DLRT; the LaSallians had transformed and brought the LRT-1 which passed Taft Avenue into a robot.

DLRT was making quick work of the Ateneans and their creatures-- crushing the mythical creatures here and there, tossing the trees brought to life by the Department of Environmental Science.

"Let us not lose hope!" Nebres said. "We are after all committed to hope."

"Now is not the time to talk about GK, Father!" somebody said.

"I am not talking about GK. I am talking about SECtor."

He pointed his wand the Science Education Complex. The building shook and assembled itself into a robot. SEC A was the head and the torso. SEC B became the left arm and leg and SEC-C became the right.

"Mang Freddie!" Nebres called.

"I am ready, Father!" shouted Freddie the man in charge of Escaler Hall which has now become the control room SECtor.

"Attack, Freddie! One Big Fight."

DLRT was no match and quickly collapsed under the strength of SECtor.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry Potter appeared. "Two horcruxes have been destroyed!"

"Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!"

There were screams of terror. The LaSalle brothers had entered the battle. They were using their most dangerous spell: The Animo LaSalle � the Killing Curse!


Finale: The Animo Wand

Ateneans were dropping dead left and right. The Animo La Salle curse was unblockable. Some of the more veteran teachers provided extra defense and protection to the students but most of their efforts were futile.

Dacanay and his Jesuit team however managed to stun a few archers.

Victory however seemed far-fetched. Francisco had been revived from the Stunning Spell by Dacanay. Back in human form, she was battling Jai Reyes, Kirk Long and Chris Tiu at the same time. While the players were certainly skillful, Francisco was able to block all spells launched by the Blue Eagles.

Francisco pointed her wand at Chris Tiu and shouted "Animo La Salle!" But the curse missed him by an inch.

"Not Chris Tiu you BIATCH!" somebody shouted; it was Achoot Cuyegkeng. "Out of my way! Out of my way! FRANCISO'S MINE!"

Francisco laughed. " You are no match for me! I am the greatest servant of the Dominicans! What's gonna happen to your Loyola Schools after I kill you?! What's gonna happen to your Blue Eagles after I kill Chrissy?"

"You will never touch any of our students again!!" Cuyegkeng said.

Francisco laughed. And with her unerring skill as jack-of-all- trades professor Cuygekeng sent a Stunning Curse at her opponent. The curse hit her squarely on the chest, knocking her out once more.

"Enough!" Harry shouted. "Voldemort! Where are you? You have been using the LaSallians and the other schools to come after me. Where are you?"

"I am here, Potter." a voice hissed. The voice came from Bro. Armin.

"Brother Armin?"

"No! I am Voldemort! Armin is my past, present and future. See?" he wrote the word Armind then with a flicker of his wand the word became Voldemort.

"I don't get it." Harry said

"Ako rin!" an Atenean said.

"Ha? Can you make ulit?" another one shouted.

"How did Armin became Voldemort?"

"Bai, nalibog na ko!" A Cebuano Atenean shouted.

"Bah! Never mind! Anyone knows the LaSallians can't spell. So anyway, I stunned Armin a few days ago and using his name and face I used the school and all the other schools to come and find you!"

"But you are too late. I destroyed all the horcruxes"

"No, Potter. I win. You see, while I was Bro. Armind. I was able to find the long lost and most powerful wand in the entire world-- the Animo Wand! And you will be its first victim!"

"Are you kidding me, Tom?" Harry said "Don't you get it? The wand chooses the school. The Animo wand does not belong to La Salle! It belongs to the Ateneo."

"No! You are the fool! The LaSallians have been cheering Animo La Salle for such a long time. The LaSallians truly own the wand and since I am a LaSallian for now, I own it. Die Potter die!"

"But you see, Riddle, you did not review University histories. If you did, you would know that the Ateneans used Animo Ateneo first. And they still use it now. There is even a website right now named AnimoAteneo. com. The Ateneans have reclaimed Animo Ateneo!"

Silence.

"So. It comes down to this isn't it?" Harry whispered "Does your wand know that its original owner still values it? If it does, I AM THE TRUE MASTER OF THE ANIMO WAND!"

Voldemort points his wand at Harry who in turn has prepared for the final duel.

"ANIMO LA SALLE!" Voldemort shouted.

"OH! GET. THAT. WAND!" Harry shouted.

The curse rebounded and hit Voldemort instead of Harry who caught the Animo Wand with his other hand. Cheers from the Ateneans and even some La Sallians, who realized that they were duped were all around.

That morning both Ateneo and La Salle forged a cease fire, a temporary one because the next day was the Ateneo-La Salle basketball championship. Francisco who was revived after hours of being stunned by Dacanay and Cuyegkeng decided to lift the "No Cheering!" rule during time out. However, she still flinches whenever Dacanay (or any Jesuit for that matter) would approach her.

There were however, a group of La Sallians who disagreed with having a cease fire. They believed that the death and defeat of Voldemort was unfair so they decided to file a protest. This was later junked due to lack of merit.


Epilogue. Nineteen years later.

It was the day of the ACET.

Harry Potter was accompanying his son Ben.

"Dad! What if I fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Harry looked at his son and said "Bienvenido Adolfo! You were named after two of the most powerful Jesuits in the country. One of them is a good friend of ours. In fact he was the one who officiated our marriage."

"But... but... so what if I DO fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Eh di bobo ka talaga! Harry thought. But he didn't say that. "But we will still love you as our son!" Harry said. "Alright. Your test starts in a few minutes. Make us proud. One Big Fight."

resolve

putting yourself out there is no easy feat. not only do you make yourself vulnerable by laying bare your thoughts and emotions but you also get addicted in exerting effort just so you can think that you deserve a better one this time around. more often than not, many ordinary people experience that great range of ecstatic and depressive feelings before reaching that well deserved equilibrium. for some, it's easy. for others, not so much. but whoever one is, whatever character he/she has, one thing remains the same--all present and prospective connection between people requires nothing short of arduous work. it's a conscious, or unconscious, decision all throughout.

that's why, for me, there is hard truth to the cliche, slowly but surely. just take your time each day and you will see things eventually spread themselves out before you. and before long, you'd be on your way on defeating that difficult feat and achieving that great balance.

i believe in this, i truly do.

i just hope i know how to follow it.

bits before bar

it is this stomach-churning nervousness that i find so difficult to deal with this few hours before the next exam. it affects me to the point of paralyzing my every faculty rendering me virtually useless and unproductive. how i regret having to lose those precious moments that should have been dedicated to last minute reviews and educated discussion.

argh.

ode to old friends

the increasing pressure of the upcoming bar examinations led me, not unexpectedly, to the comforts of the world wide web, where, in the course of my surfing, i chanced upon sites of old friends. how long ago has it been since i marched up the stage to receive my grade school diploma? how young was i when i started enjoying the company of some of my earliest friends? indeed, i have travelled the long road and the path i made from that time has long since disappeared. yet, until now, twelve years and three more graduation ceremonies after, i still remember my earliest days. i still see my teachers trying to imbue upon me and my classmates not only the basics of education upon which i will build my whole life but also the fundamental values that i have carried on as an adult and a member of the world. until now, i could never forget how we were moulded into becoming the best that we can be.

now, more than ever, in light of the looming bar examinations, i turn back to those memories to give me strength not only to carry me through the next month but also to, once more, usher me unto the next level of my life.

thank you, my old friends.

longing to travel

my heart yearns to travel, to see the world, to explore new frontiers other than my own. i'd like to be in places i have never been and gather new perspective on things. i want to test how far i will go in responding to challenges, to people, to countries. i long for the outdoor, outside the strict confines of my room, or of my favorite starbucks coffee in 6750. i feel the tug of other streets, outside the philippines, of avenues worth riding on by, of restaurants worth eating in. i want to see the world. and my heart just explodes for a grasp of that experience, of that wonderful experience.

oh, when will i ever have the strength to leave my comfort zones and brave the unknown?

soon.

coping

the thing about me these days is that i have a terrible way of coping with the bar. no, i don't talk on my own during those awkward moments when no words need be spoken. and no, i don't disappear from the face of the earth for a time to unwind my cerebral muscles. the thing is, to cope with the stress, i unashamedly lash out on people around me. yes, i shout at the top of my lungs with the slightest provocation from anyone. like an infuriated debater, i am quick to say shut up to anyone who has any problem whatsoever to whatever it is that i think. most of the times, i think i am the master of the universe and no one, absolutely no one, is permitted to contradict me. which of course inevitably results to a quick fight with anyone stupid enough to stay out of my way.

argh, what the heck am i doing?

the internet is for

the funny thing about not having an internet connection for a while is that i terribly miss it. while it's there, i'd get bored visiting the same old sites i go to (multiply, friendster, gmail, and the occasional blogs), yet, once i lose it (the connection), it's as if i were totally detached from the civilized world--thank goodness for my mobile phone, for it more or less covers that sense of solitude i normally feel not having to see my favorite, though dull, i must add, sites. anyway, so the few weeks that i've been out of the loop so to speak really made me crave for the internet. but lo and behold, true to my form, after a couple of hours doodling around, i am now, again, bored as hell.

tsk tsk.

i suppose this is a manifestation of an internal system far more complex than just becoming bored. am i, in all my eccentricities, just the same as anybody else? wanting that which isn't there? craving, not just for the unknown, but for the known no matter how sure i am of the momentary pleasure that it brings?

in the same vein, if i am like this, and so is everyone else, does it mean that everything around us is just another side of the same evil crystal ball? i mean, is gloria's fervent desire to stay in power just the same as my craving for the internet? is the fact that she knows that she can wield the sword of the executive only for so long equivalent to my yearning for the information superhighway?

i hope not. for if it is, nothing can be more satisfying than fighting the battle against her. a thief wouldn't want another thief in power, right?

for my sake, i hope not.

songs

ker, my roommate, downloaded these amazing songs sung by the Philippine Madrigal Singers. they were fantastic. it's as if i was hearing them sing in concert everytime i listen to their music. they nudge a part of the soul that just rejoices with them as they rise and fall in the journey of the song. anyway, i can't get enough of them that i am now seriously contemplating getting myself a copy of whatever album they have, which to my standards is quite on a different level because i rarely buy original cds (why buy if i can download, right? hehehehe...). so now, that makes my shopping list of cds to two: my ever favorite bossa nova music, and yes, as i've mentioned the Philippine Madrigal Singers album. i just hope i get the time to do my shopping, that is, amidst my studying, gym and, well yeah, starbucks. haaay... ;p

last night

nothing beats a night with friends.

and booze, of course. ;p

today

so, i went to starbucks 6750 today to do some serious studying. i find the place soothing and very conducive for my bar review especially so since the mezzanine on which i stay affords a temperate sense of seclusion which to my liking is just enough--not too isolated nor too frequented by many. and since the place sets my mood, i was able to cover a great deal of topics regarding mercantile law, particularly the banking laws.

but, true to the law of diminishing returns, after some hours, my mind began wandering on different things which led to a slow down on the retention rate which eventually led to this:







yes, picture taking. alas, the serious law student silently reading at the corner became some kind of a tourist busily taking pictures of whatever, haha...

anyway, while all these were going on, it rained, and understandably, the room temperature dropped to some degrees, which, owing to the skimpy shirt i was wearing, caused me some inconvenience. and so, ever impulsive as i am, i decided to have a break, head for the mall, and voila, buy myself some jacket. hahaha... at first, i was looking for a more formal jacket which i can wear over my business attire. but thinking about it, as it is still a few months before i begin wearing those long sleeves again, i thought it better to buy some good looking, trendy, and rugged jacket.

and so, i headed off to my favorite store: oxygen. i love their shirts. given a chance to choose, i'd always go for oxygen. it is the designs and it is also the fit. always do i receive complements from people i am with when i am wearing its shirts. and it has never failed. so i love it. anyway, i fell in love with their jacket. as it turns out, it is one desigend by pepsi herrera for oxygen, which made nothing but reinforce my desire to take it home. and i did. hehe, good thing i had some sideline last week, oh thank goodness for elections, hahahaha... anyway, here are some pictures of the jacket. i'll try to post some more when i'm wearing it na... ;p

healthier

you think? ;p

what's up there?

dunno... ;p

week-long ordeal

unproductive is an understatement in describing the week that i've had. went to bicol for the elections, earned some dough, met new acquaintances, but never opened a single book in preparation for the bar! argh. i feel as if my iq level just dropped a notch for the lack of any intellectual activity which is geared towards attaining that highly coveted supreme court license. what's worse is that i am not feeling that sense of panic that should've sunk in today so as to enable me to be in that review mode again. add that to the fact that my allergic rhinitis kicked in for the whole morning and that my body aches all over, and voila, you have one freaking unproductive week.

but wait, there's more! i went to albay with my partner lawyer to visit some of his relatives in tobaco city, and along the way, we passed by the world famous Mt. Mayon, which of course i have never laid eyes on before. and guess what, when we were at its foot, what do i see? umm, nothing! the whole mountain peak was freakin covered with clouds. i never even got a decent picture of it. argh, what the f*ck!

wanna see those pictures? well, here they are:




sucks, right? anyway, there's one upside though. and guess what it is... i freakin tried wakeboarding!!! 'twas soooo cool. we were staying at the camsur watersports complex in pili, camarines sur, and we got to try their watersports for free!!! nice perq huh!

i first tried the kneeboard, and i easily got the hang of it. it was such a rush that i decided to try the next big thing! water skiis! unfortunately though, i never made it past the initial pull of the string. i just sank in the water head on everytime i felt the weight of my body. i guess i need some more gym time, oh well.

since i got frustrated trying the skis over and over again, i decided to go on to the ultimate rush, wakeboards!!! i was so determined to learn how to do it that i tried and tried until i got nasty blisters on my hand. and guess what again... tantarararan: i never freaking got it! i was never able to pull myself up let alone stand on those freakin boards! it looks easy doing it, right? well, wrong. it was hard as hell. not to mention the fact that i am with these 13 year old kids who also do not know how to do it. sheez, i'm 25 and i'm having classes with those pre-teens, what a drag!

BUT I STILL ENJOYED EVERY SECOND OF IT. it was such a saver that i immediately forgot, and decided to let go, of the very unproductive week that i've had. hey, i can get to say that i tried wakeboarding, right? and for free at that. so all's well...

by the way, i can now connect my phone to my pc again, so expect some more pics the next time i blog. 'til, then. ;p

graduation grains

for someone who just received his law school diploma (yes, it was the real diploma and not just any scrap of paper), i remained deafeningly silent. i have no blog entry about it, none about the celebration afterwards, and no written afterthought at all. while i check on a daily basis the ramblings and nostalgic writings of many of my classmates regarding our graduation, i find it funny and indeed quite unusual not to have an output myself. so much had already happened and insights have piled up by now, and yet, i cannot find neither the time nor the energy to go on rambling myself. whew, this is weird.

anyway, for those precious updates about my eqaully precious life, hold on dear readers, i'll try to make time for it soon... ;p

grades and graduation

finally, i have received a copy of all of my grades for the second semester of my fourth year in law school, and thank heavens, i passed all of them. woohoo!!! of course, this means that i'm graduating this Sunday! yeba!!! finally!

i'm not that excited though, and i wonder why. maybe it's because it hasn't sunk in yet. maybe it's due to the upcoming bar exams. maybe because graduation is not really anyting but a symbol of what i have become and what i have accoplished.

dunno, whatever. i wish i'd be excited though... ;p

interviews

i have forgotten how unnerving it is to go through a job interview. i'd be in a conference room two hours from now before a panel of partners in the law firm i apprenticed in and i cannot in any manner calm down my spirit. it's as if butterflies in my tummy suddenly decided to awaken and stir everything in sight, giving me this roller coaster ride of feelings which i could very well do without in the next couple of hours. goodness, i so need a drink right now. argh

final papers

it has always been like this with me. when the time for the final requirement for the final exams comes, my mind slows down--heck, no, lemme correct that, my mind stops. it is as if the potential energy which fuels the inner tickings of my ertswhile complex brain, all of a sudden comes to a halt and refuses to re-ignite altogether. i know, what a bummer, right? especially if the final requirement is a paper that requires "substantial content." that means no copy-and-paste from the internet. that means no other help than quoting huge blocks of statements of people i have never heard of--which doesn't say much for effort, does it? argh, the one week break before the bone breaking bar review is calling out to me, enticing me to come flowing to its bed of roses and bask on its long awaited scent. i so need that vacation, and this last paper turns out to be the last and only hindrance to that paradise sought.

how i wish to fast forward to friday when i can do nothing but relax and, of course, reflect on the lenten season--which brings me back to my original complaint: i need to finish this paper! argh. this is torture.

pure torture.

four years gone by

after watching a classmate's video of her four years in law school, i realized one thing: yes, law school for me is definitely over. after four years of wild academic rush, the dust is now settling and it is dawning on me, gradually, that i can never look at the aps campus the same way again. i have braved through the dreaded recitations, the tortuous midterm and final exams, and the endless class humiliation. and now, it is time to move on. despite all that i have said about how excruciating law school was, the fact that i had made it to where i am now made me re-think the situation. just as how exciting it is to look back on your steps upon reaching the mountain top, the law school's training now seemed a necessary evil for a lifetime of challenges akin to what my alma mater has exposed me to. indeed, i have been prepared the best way possible, and i am ready. ready to look back at my four years without sorrow nor regret, and ready to move forward with keen anticipation and confident hope. yes, my four years in the law school has drawn to a close, and a new curtain has opened up.

all i need to do is make my final bow, look back, and start anew.

battles won and lost

there are battles won, there are battles lost. this time, i lost. valid as my argument may be, there are just some things bigger than others. no matter how hard it is to accept an infraction, the fact remains that the over-all scenario and place of things far outweigh a singular important event. for after all, the totality of what is is what ultimately counts. it is the sum of the whole, all the slices of the pie, the bundle of twigs. it is the whole plethora of the beautiful less the not that yields the remainder as a binding testimony of that which has been uselfishly shared. and to that, no one horrendous experience, no matter how great or terrible, can measure up to. thus, as i've said, i lost. the good taken with the bad still comes short of being bad. without resorting to numbers and counting, the best is present and far outweighs the worst. and to that, i am totally lost, and beaten,

and sad.

life.

surprises

i just arrived from san pablo this early monday morning and i was greeted with the most pleasant surprise. i knew this was forthcoming since two days ago, yet the actual experience of being there and seeing the fruit of admirable effort presented before me somehow takes the knowledge of it on a different level--on a higher plane, if you will. if only for the effort, it's a triple A for you, and i appreciate it. a lot.

thanks.

friends

thank God for friends. for people who understand. for those who care, strengthen, and keep us all together, keep me together. thank God for those before whom no explanation is called for, for those who take you up front and cherish you for that. for those who say the right words on the right time with due regard for what you feel, aspire, and stand for. they are those there for you no matter what, be they near, or far.

to you guys, kudos, i never could and would have made it without you.

remembering

four years ago, i walked out of the Loyola campus with a heavy heart. i cannot believe that the four most amazing years of my life have been over that quickly; that memories i had of the place will only remain just that, memories; that the college environment i so love will then stay etched on my mind alone, and not on anybody else's. it was the feeling of holding on to something letting go that totally unnerved me. it was the feeling of saying goodbye.

in less than a day, i'd be turning in my last exam booklet in the law school. after four years of grueling academic endeavor, i'd be at the end of that tunnel, this time not looking forward at the clearing ahead, but back at my old tracks. yes, it's been four years since, and nothing is sadder than what i'm feeling now. i see the school and i feel nothing. i see my old classmates and no sense of separation surfaces. it is as if i have never spent a great deal of my precious time in the place.

has the law school desensitized me so completely that i cannot feel sadness in leaving its portals? have i ever been that sad during my stay here that i'm all too pleased in getting out? was it the discipline of law itself or is it the law environment that i've been exposed to which made me feel this way?

i am graduating. i am leaving the school. i am no longer its student. why am i not sad?

i want to feel the connection between me and the law school. i want to feel that choking sadness coupled with amazing joy which will bring me to tears upon thinking of the impending separation. i want to miss the school and i want it to miss me back. the way i miss loyola and the way my special place misses me back. for after all, at the end of the day, what clings to the heart is not those which hurt it, but those which gave it warmth and care.

i remember loyola with fondness and glee. i cannot say the same for rockwell.

but i wish i could. i really wish i could.

silvernightmare, thoughts, lost in thoughts