On writing

I miss those times when writing was easy. When inspiration flowed straight from the source to my computer screen. I miss owning the time I spend each day, and putting into words my thoughts and feelings. I miss the safety I get from documenting my life story. For the times when I am down. For the times when I need guidance and help.

And so, this long pause in writing scares me to pieces. 

The first half of this year so far has been all about me and my travels. I enjoyed the beach early on this year, one after another. But I have written zilch about it. I have enjoyed the waves and the salty breeze, but my laptop has never heard of it. Half the year is gone, and I am as dark as ever, but I haven't spent a single word to brag about what I've been through.

It is also my first time out of the country this year, and, yes, I have not blogged about what I experienced. Long have I imagined leaving the Philippine islands for somewhere outside my own little world. I used to see myself jumping up and about for joy during the airplane ride, and literally gawking on the new land upon landing. To some extent, I did all those things this year, and for some frightening reason, I have never had the mojo to write about it.

I also did make some major life decisions this year. Both in my love life and in my work life. When I reviewed my blog all these months, I realized that, in prior years, around the time when I made the same decisions about me and my life, my blog was filled with insights, doubts, thoughts, anger, frustration, joy, and relief. Now, it is as if these major events didn't happen, and I never felt all these emotions.

I have never felt such a disconnect with me and my blog ever before. I have always, always relied on my writing to keep me grounded. To remind me of obscure memories I have long forgotten. To keep me and my friends in sync even if we never get to see each other.

That's why I miss writing. That's why I need writing.

And I better do something. Soon.