OMG!

It's the anniversary of the Gossip Boy Series!

Ang bilis ng panahon!

Mr. Nice Guy

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

That's what I used to say when I was still the nice college guy with a nice Catholic background from the province. I guess my teachers back then taught me well. GMRC and values education were not lost on me.

I remember one time in college, when I was at my all time low, one of my best friends, while crying with me, asked, "Bakit ba nangyayari sa'yo 'tong mga to, Jel, eh ang bait-bait mo?" At that time, I too didn't know why those things were happening to me. But I was sure of one thing, I was nice and I didn't deserve them. 

And people liked me for being nice. In fact, I think I became friends with my friends because of it. And we spent the best years of our lives in college because of that.

When I entered law school immediately after college though, there was an entirely different story. I was no longer Mr. Nice Guy. I was the snappy one, ready to devour anyone open to a challenge, ready to retort with the same level of evil thrown at me. At that time, I liked it. In fact, I did everything to be it. I thought it gave me character. 

Not knowing it cost me mine.

Now, when I am again at a low point in my life, I realize friends could no longer say the same things. I am no longer nice. I can no longer say that I don't deserve what befalls me these days.

I wonder if I should forget being who I have become and start becoming who I was. Will my life get better? Will I gain more new friends and regain my old ones? Will I be the same me that was strong not because I was a bully but because I was liked?

I don't know. I hope so. 

I wish he'd come back, Mr. Nice Guy.

(P.S. I wrote this few weeks ago, and I never had a chance to post it. Today, I reckon I didn't have to wait for another low moment in my life to publish this entry. Hence, this post.)

Of Trophies and Goals

I read someone's blog few weeks ago--he, envying his ex-law school classmates who'll take the bar soon, and they, treating him out for lunch in Tagaytay during one of their rare vacations. In the midst of the narrative, I felt a sudden gush of nostalgia when I, too, was still in the law school. Back then, I was determined not to give up and to see it through till the end. I vowed that I will not be among those who will have to leave for whatever reason. I was determined--not to get hold of the trophy, but merely to reach the goal.

So I wonder if the blogger was really envious that his ex-law school classmates are finishing law school and taking the bar soon, or if it is just the frustration of not finishing something he started that was talking.

I finished law school in a good school and with good grades. I also passed the bar, first time and top 5%. But after this, after reaching a seemingly unreachable goal, like my thoughts on the blogger's entry, I now wonder, "Did I really want this in the first place?" 

Or was it just the rush of the race to the finish line that kept me going?

Addiction

It creeps into your body without your knowing it, addiction. Then it destroys your soul, slowly, gradually, until none is left to deconstruct, until you can only utter so few words to get a glimpse of who or what you used to be. It makes you lose any sense of self you painstakingly worked for and build in all your years.

Until you realize that you can break free, that you can detox and cleanse yourself of what you so blindly welcomed into your system. It is, after all, just a substance. And you, with all the years behind you, are stronger than that.

Purge yourself of what is not needed, and you see yourself again. Pure. Strong. Independent. Who you were,

and who you will always be.

Repost

From JM's site...

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Yung taong may pangarap para sa aming dalawa

Pangarap kong mahalin ang taong isa ako sa mga nasa listahan ng priority niya..

Yung suplado sa iba dahil alam niyang magseselos ako..

Yung walang ibang bukambibig kundi pangalan ko..

Yung kakamustahin ang araw ko kahit na paulit ulit at pare-pareho lang ang mga nangyayari..

Yung hindi kayang matulog hanggat galit ako..

Yung taong hindi ako kayang bigyan ng dahilan para magduda..

Yung interesado maging parte ng buhay ko..

Yung taong may pangarap para sa aming dalawa..

Pero ang pinakagusto ko, yung taong hindi alam ang salitang sorry dahil hindi niya kayang masaktan ako.

-forwarded text.

Seriously?

So I have been at home the whole day, watching TV, and in every local channel I tune in to, the hot topic of discussion is the "sex video" of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho (or is it Koh?).

I got curious, naturally, so I searched youtube for the controversial video, watched it, and got confused as to why that particular video I've seen merits this much hype from the media. I mean, what I saw were a very sexy Katrina Halili in her underwear dancing to the tune of Careless Whisper, and a very sweaty Hayden Kho, clad in his briefs, gyrating to and singing the same song. Hmmm. I finished the whole clip and nowhere therein did I see anyone taking off their remaining apparel and performing sexual intercourse.

Okay, I thought, maybe I watched the snipped version of the video. Hence, I watched another, and another, and then another. I pretty much saw the same thing: two very hot persons gyrating to the tune of a very sexy song.

So what the heck is all the fuss about?

I can't see how the video I've seen is any different from the dance numbers I have seen countless of times in local variety shows where the dancers (usually, the female dancers) are only clad in very skimpy clothings shaking whatever assets they have been generously given. It made me ask, since when did the definition of "sex video" exclude the actuality that there must first be sex in the video? Hmmm.

I do hope that there is more to the "sex video" than what I've actually seen because if not, that video is, and remains to be, a simple footage of two persons dancing. Period.

And Katrina Halili is not any less of a sexy actress because of that.

Hello!

Ironic

It's easy to say that I can't wait to leave. But it's hard to admit that I feel lost upon leaving.

It's ironic, this life.

Last week

Okay, so it's unofficially my last week of work in the office this week. And true to my form, I have been looking left and right for reasons not to get too lazy or too apathetic with what little stuff that remains to be my responsibility. Until few hours ago, I found none. Hence, it took a great deal of effort on my part to show up at work today only to pretend that I am bustling with important stuff that needed to be done.

It turns out that I needed only to show up and open my e-mail (yes, my ever-dreaded email) and voila, work was there packed in an annoying red dot with a number superimposed on it.

I should have been happy, right? Wrong. Instead of finding a reason to be busy, I found a reason to be sulky for still receiving work this late in the game. Hello! I have resigned people. Don't give me work that I won't be able to finish. Naman! Kayo rin naman ang mahihirapan no.

But oh well, good thing I had lunch with Ker and MakMak (one of the last few we'll be having during lunch here in Makati--awww). It kinda relieved some unnecessary negative vibes from the office.

The walk back from RCBC to the office helped too despite the scorching heat of the sun. I suppose it accorded me some opportunity to be alone and think about me and my future. I realized I'm really excited to start in my new job and definitely anxious to end the present. More than anything, I think it's the change of scenario that I appreciate the most. Kind of like what I felt like back in college when all I could think about was leaving the Philippines and never coming back. But that's another story for another time. Right now, I'm focused on the inevitable change. And this change is good.

I like it. And this time, I really hope it lasts.