around the metro, again

walked around makati today. again. and as always, i was tired as hell, dehydrated and dizzy after three long hours of bodily movement (and this coming from someone still recovering from the holiday disease that brings about excessive fat storage in all parts of the body, especially the tummy area, haaay).

unlike the last three weeks of doing the same thing however, two things changed: one, this time, i was with a friend while painfully strolling around the metro (which actually made the endeavor less burdensome); and two, i got a call just an hour after i arrived back at the house (and an interview was set for 1pm tomorrow, or rather, today).

sadly though, only two outcomes immediately propped up in my mind: (1) either they'd offer me a job but with unacceptably low compensation package or (2) i won't get the job at all. regrettably, it never even occurred to me that a third option can actually be available, that is, that they'd offer me a job with competitive rates.

haaay, what is wrong with me? have i been so disillusioned that i am now incapable of even conjuring a good result from my tiring effort today? have i lost that much faith in me that i didn't even conceive of achieving what i pray for?

really, these past few weeks have been a test for many of my preconceived notions about myself and my capabilities. many images i have of myself have been repeatedly shattered and decomposed to the point that i might have lost a sense of who i am.

is it wrong for me to think that the only salvation lies in me finding that perfect job with the perfect pay on that perfectly posh office? or should i see salvation as i have always seen it, i.e., one that springs out of the truly good no matter where it is or who it is from?

for my sake, i hope it is the latter. i really hope so.