Re-post

31 January 2010 10:02 am

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...I have often wondered how it will be if I didn't choose this life with that someone. Will I be happier? More fulfilled with my life? Will I have more friends?

[Yes.]

These are questions that are all subsumed in the realm of conjecture. All that I will have no way of knowing. That is,

until I break free.

Totally. Completely.

[I have.]

That kind when I could look back at all these and laugh at how consumed I was with how I felt. That kind when I would neither feel hurt nor bitterness. That kind when I would already be with someone else.

[I am.]

But I haven't reached that stage. And I could not see how I could in the near future. And so, I'm here.

Waiting. And waiting. And waiting

Sana may dumating na.

I am in that stage. At may dumating na.

Sana lang, sya na.

It's a brand new day and a brand new life. And for the first time in months, I am happy. Maraming salamat sa pagdating mo, B. ;p

Paparating ka na ba?

"Did you even consider marrying me?" he asked.

She answered, "Of course, I did. But someday, when you ask a girl to marry her, you don't want her to consider. You'd want her to know."

I don't know if I'd ever go as far as ask anyone to marry me. But I do know, in the deepest confines of my heart, I will ask someone to be with me forever. And when I do that, I would want that person to know. I would want that person to be sure. To be with me and me alone. To give me the most precious of gifts, that someone's heart.

And so now, I consider every person I meet as someone to whom I might eventually ask the question,

"Will you spend the rest of your life with me?"

It gives me shivers just thinking about it. To think of someone staying for good. Someone with whom I will share my most intimate thoughts. Without judgment nor fear of being rejected. One who will not think less of me in my most embarrassing moments. One who will love me for all of me.

Will there ever be such a person? Paparating na ba sya?

When I was small, I have often wondered how my life will turn out in my late twenties. Back then, I had no idea who I will be now, what kind of person I would have eventually become, what part of this play shall I own up to. Now, almost two decades thereafter, I still ask the same questions. Only this time, the query doesn't stop with me. It reaches beyond myself to the someone I will spend the rest of my life with. Someone who will help me shape the kind of person I will be in the next 30 years of my life. Someone for whom I will ask the question,

"Will you spend the rest of your life with me?"

And someone, who will, without doubt nor hesitation, irrevocably say, "Yes, and I want you to know that."

Paparating ka na ba?

Defying Gravity

I think I'm taking that leap. It's time to defy gravity.

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Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me 

Something is not the same 

I'm through with playing by the rules 

Of someone else's game 

Too late for second-guessing 

Too late to go back to sleep 

It's time to trust my instincts 

Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try 

Defying gravity 

I think I'll try 

Defying gravity 

Kiss me goodbye 

I am defying gravity 

And you wont bring me down! 

I'm through accepting limits 

''cause someone says they're so 

Some things I cannot change 

But till I try, I'll never know! 

Too long I've been afraid of 

Losing love I guess I've lost 

Well, if that's love 

It comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy 

Defying gravity 

Kiss me goodbye 

I'm defying gravity 

I think I'll try 

Defying gravity 

And you wont bring me down! 

I'd sooner buy 

Defying gravity 

Kiss me goodbye 

I'm defying gravity 

I think I'll try 

Defying gravity 

And you won't bring me down! 

bring me down! 

ohh ohhh ohhhh!

Madness

There is madness in deleting memories. Especially if it were a person’s memory you’re deleting. Worse, if it were someone special’s memory you’re forgetting.

It flashes quite distinctly every so often, the glimpses of the past. On the way to the trash, it comes to fore. Looming over your eyes, threatening with a resounding echo of what you’re about to lose.

Until it disappears. With the conscious effort of not remembering. Leaving the pain behind, convincing disillusion on the happiness. Suddenly, what once was, is no longer.

There is madness in deleting memories.

And sometimes, it has to be done.