Once, when I was still in college, my very close friend told me that I might have just been in love with the idea of being in love when I decided to plunge into my very first relationship. In hindsight, I think she was right. But I know I wasn't just that. I was also in love. And I have proven that over and over again as months became years, as my relationship succeeded that of any friend we've ever known, as I have grown into the relationship just as my significant other had. And since then, I never stopped growing. I never stopped loving.
As I moved on from one relationship to the next, it was as if I was in a roller coaster ride, both excited and exhilarated, but at the same time, never forgetting that it's a rush that's meant to be enjoyed only for a short time. Because after being in love, after experiencing those chills down the spine, the more difficult question of staying in love comes in.
And that's why I am writing this entry. By history, I never had a problem with that. I have always stood by my decision to love. But since I broke up with my most recent ex six months ago, since I have been single for the longest time since I was 20, I have had this weird sense of self.
Now, I fall deeply in love in just a short span of time. Colors become brighter just like that. The world becomes a better place to live in.
But it doesn't last.
Just as suddenly, the colors lose their hue. The world becomes dull. The almost pathetic drooling in love boy resumes being the pragmatic lawyer that he is.
And it makes me wonder. Is it just me? Or is it that I still haven't found the right one again? Is it my lifestyle now, or just the style that I handle my relationship? Am I really ready to love, or am I once more just in love with the idea of being in love?
5 comments:
bkit kaya lahat ng tao nasa love mode ngaun?? is it because xmas is growing near (ahem! hinthint) hahaha there's a scientific explanation to that. you are in a phase of your life where you are looking for a mate so it is but normal for you to long for the sense of being loved as well as being in love. (nosevleed) hehehe;p
P.S. wag mong sabihing nagiging emo boy ka na rin ngaun?? hahaha
hmnnn Jeland, I think you're really in love. hehe
Lazy John, emo boy? Ako? Hindi no! Party boy pa rin syempre!!! Hehe.. ;p
White, hindi naman po, naghahanap pa ng ma-i-in love with. Hehehe.. ;p
I know there's a world of difference between the two but I guess sometimes it's okay to just give in - you'll never know which is which unless you try. Besides, if you have this thinking that you're already living a wonderful life and you want to share it with someone, then it'll be an entirely different thing. The "in love vs. idea of being in love..." wouldn't matter anymore (I think).
"Sparks" do not guarantee that love will last. But compromise will. Or at least it can make those bright colors last longer.
Life can take a long time if you make the wrong choice. But it will be a lot longer if you won't even try.
Kaya go and be in love. Hahaha.
Kwento mo lang ha para masaya. LOL.
@jeland, e ano ba o sino ba hinahanap mo? hehe malay mo andyan lang lurking around...:) and you just have to be sensitive enough to know and feel it. i'm sure there is that someone....:)
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