New phone

Yep, I'm officially loving my phone. From texting to calling to fb-ing to blogging, I'm so using it.

Hope this fascination lasts this time..

A long while

It's been a long time since I got excited over something. That type when one can tell that I'm really into it.

Today is one of those times. The reason? There are three.

One, my mac's fully functioning, and once more, all good to go! After the headache I got last night after discovering that I cant boot my mac, today's course of events was truly a welcome and exciting one.

Second, I have a freaking new phone!!! And I'm loving it! Thanks, Ker, for not consulting me. Otherwise, you're right, I wont be able to have the guts to buy it. And because you didn't, I have a new phone!!!

Third, and one that rounds up the preceding two--which cannot even begin to explain how it makes me giddy like a school boy with a new toy--is the fact that I am now so synced! The contacts in my phone are all products of careful mac and software manipulations! This, added to the fact that I can now update my facebook, twitter, and blog (yep, I'm typing this entry in my phone) with just one device, without the hassle of booting and shutting down a laptop makes me jump up and down with nothing less than pure bliss.

So yeah, I like this day. And I am right to have been too excited about it!

In dreams

So I dreamt of him again last night, my dad. And like the others before, the dream wasn't pretty. Something almost always happens which is reminiscent of how he used to be. With one difference: I always fought back in my dreams. And I always win. How I envisioned myself acting now that I can stand on my own feet is how the dreams end. It's sort of a major production finale--except that he's no longer around to see how it turned out.

Which bothers me.

After 7 long years, am I still clinging to a hatred I swore I would forego all these years? Was I in that much pain that, until now, the feeling lingers, albeit subconsciously?

He died 7 years ago. And after 7 years, I know I should now forego all these.

The only question is, could I?

Good Morning

I still greet you good morning everyday--even if you don't get to hear it anymore. Not lately, at least. I recognize the fact that it has been difficult for us both to start something anew, if both of us still had strings hanging in our old lives. I do not blame you, really, nor do I blame myself. It is what it is. The fates have brought our paths together and it is only the same fate that shall determine our future--be it together or not. I believe, our timing could not have been more significant--nor as destructive. We met each other at a time when we both dearly needed people to hold on to--yet it was also a time when we both knew we cannot hold on for long.

And so we let ourselves get swayed by the tides; and patiently waited where the water will lead us.

Not knowing it was leading us here--where there is no us. Where there could never be an us.

Now, as I look back to our time together, I see it was time spent healing our broken hearts, washing away the pain of our experiences, and mending that part of ourselves that was ripped apart. But like disinfectants to a raw wound, we were there merely to pass each other by, to touch just a small part of each other's lives. With no purpose of staying. With no capability of being attached.

So the good mornings I give you shall never reach your ears, the heartfelt thanks I feel for you, you will never know. But if, in the future, you do remember me, and think about those brief moments we were together, know this: you will forever be the one that ushered me to a new life, one where I have moved on, and for that, a million good mornings will never ever suffice.

Good morning, K. And thank you.

Merry Christmas!

Today, for the first time since the season began, I felt Christmas. There, in the cool mountain tops of Antipolo church, where the vaguest and the fondest of my childhood memories were piqued by seeing the church again, I finally realized the reason for the season.

And I am so excited to go home.

Merry Christmas everyone. ;p

Touch

After what seemed like forever, I have finally finally dragged myself to a massage place to break those nodules and release the long brewing stress. I swear, the first few touches of the masseuse felt like heaven. It gave me chills I never wanted to end. Plus, I was there for more than an hour! That was one long relaxing massage. I couldn't believe I waited for a break from work before I finally gave in to what I was craving for since work started piling up.

I just literally felt all the stress leaving my body, stress from work, from the love life, from the commencing social life. 

Sana this signifies the beginning of a relaxing break. So that I can find meaning in the season.

As we all should.

Rested souls

The day is done. At least for now. It's time to rest my mind and body to recharge for an even more hectic day ahead. Nothing productive will come out now. I have pushed my limits for the day. Tomorrow, I will finish the work that should already have been finished. I can't breathe words anymore, at least not this time of the night. So, I gotta sleep. Rest my soul and be in a land where no boss can dictate the pace of my life, where no rules are in existence other than my own.

I have to finish my memorandum, but I gotta clear my memory off of it first.

So I rest for the night. Good night, world. And see you again tomorrow.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps

Because I updated my blog today, I got curious how far I've come since I started blogging. This particular site has been with me since 2007, but I have been blogging in blogspot since March, 2004. Man, that's almost 6 years ago. I'm getting old.

And none the wiser.

I see I've been having the same dilemma about love every time I'm single. I experience the same thrills during my weekly night outs. I don't dread recitations in law school anymore, but I do still complain about work and the necessary hazards thereof.

It makes me wonder, do people really change? Or do they just revert to the same old routine when faced with the same old problems? We could be stronger, perhaps, but does the repetition of life's challenges somehow make us settle back to the same old persons that we were when we dealt with them in the past?

Yes, I am indeed the same man. A lot of years older but still the same person at the very core.

And I wonder if that's any good.

Hmm...

Rides

You know that feeling when someone you used to know really well just all of a sudden seems like a stranger? The eyes that you so lovingly looked at for nights on end suddenly become unrecognizable? The smile that warmed your heart every time lost its flame, and in its stead appears no more than lips curled up on a stranger's face?

Suddenly, the face that you have lovingly memorized becomes a face that you cannot place in your memory. Non-recognition replaces recognition, strangeness edges familiarity. And the person that you used to love

disappears.

And then you realize, you are leaving that person behind. And the future will serve only to further blur your memory of that person. Until in time, the person completely fades away--even in your memory. 

At that time, all that will be left are glimpses. Of your lives together, of the time you spent together. But nothing more. That person will cease to be a part of your consciousness.

And indifference replaces love.

Where you will come full circle.

You begin again where you started. Wiser and older, yes, but still where you began ages ago. 

Only this time, it's another person. And it's another you.

Welcome back to the roller coaster ride, everyone. 

Work

I am beginning to hate my work. :(

Sya

Ang tagal na ng college. Ang tagal na rin nung simula kong isipin kung darating ba yung panahon na bibilangin ko sa aking mga daliri ang mga naging ex ko. Si K, si C, si M, at ang pinakahuli, si M. Hmm, apat na. At ngayon, papunta na ako sa ika-lima. Nakatatakot. Ilan pa kaya ang bibilangin ko bago ako tumigil? Ilan pa kaya ang mamahalin ko bago ako lumagay sa tahimik?

Ilang beses na kami nag-usap ng mga kaibigan ko, handa na ba kaming makita "sya" at bumuo ng kani-kaniyang pamilya. Merong nakatagpo na, kasal na lang ang hinihintay. Meron din namang walang balak pa at ni hindi pa makita ang kanyang sarili na titigil sa mga ginagawa nya para magpatali na. At syempre, meron din namang katulad ko, na matapos ang isang malaking buntunghininga ay nagsabi na, "Oo, handa na ako. At hinahanap ko sya." 

Gulat sila.

Nagulat din ako na nagulat sila. Alam naman nilang lahat na sa lahat ng mga naging ka-relasyon ko, pang-matagalan ang iniisip ko. Hindi ako naglalaro. Ni hindi tumitingin sa iba. Binubuo ko ang aking mundo para tumugma sa kanya, para sa ganun, makabuo kami ng iisang mundo na ihaharap sa iba pa.

Kaya naman, tulad ng maraming ka-edad namin. Alam kong handa na ako.

Hinihintay ko na lamang sya.

Sana, dumating na.

For the very last time

YOU'VE MADE ME STRONGER

Is it hard to believe I'm okay

After all, it's been a while since you walked away

I'm way past crying over your finding someone new

You turned my days into bright

But now I see the light

And this may be a big surprise to you

REFRAIN:

(But/'Cause) you've made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You've taught me everything from fallin' in love

To letting go of a lie

Yes, you've made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

If you'd rather believe I'm not over you

Go ahead-there's nothing wrong with making believe

I know 'cause I used to pretend you'd come back to me

But time has been such a friend

Brought me to my senses again

And I have you to thank for setting me free

(Repeat Refrain)

Think again

Don't feel so sorry for me, my friend

Oh, don't you know

I'm not the one at the losing end.

(Repeat Refrain twice moving into higher notes 'till fade)

You made me stronger by saying

Goodbye…

Finally, I can truly say thank you for saying goodbye. Now, it's my turn. And for the very last time, 

Goodbye, M.

Kay Bob Ong

Sabi ni Bob Ong, 

"Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

Ibinahagi ko ito sa Facebook at hindi kalaunan ay tumugon ang isa sa aking mga kaibigan.

Mula kay Mos:

Teka, parang mali pala si Bob Ong, hindi naman pala buong mundo ang kailangang ikutin (360 degrees) kundi kalahati lang ng mundo (180 degrees). Kasi kung buong mundo ang inikot mo, hinanap mo siya para talikuran lang ulit. Mas masakit yun.

Pero ang pinakamasakit siguro ay yaong magkaharap kayo, pero alam mo naman na wala kayo sa puso ng isa't isa.O kaya naman ay nasa puso mo siya, pero wala ka sa kanya.

Sa ganoong pagkakataon, pagbigyan ang sariling umiyak at magdalamhati. Ibuhos mo lahat. Kapag umiiyak ka pa din pero wala nang luha ang pumapatak mula sa iyong mga mata, aba tama na. Oras na para patawarin mo siya at ang iyong sarili. Tapos, hayaan mo na. Hindi naman katapusan ng "buong mundo" kapag tinalikuran ka ng isang tao. Ang totoo nyan, nagpapatuloy lamang ang pagikot ng mundo kung saan maari kang makatagpo ng karapat-dapat.

Mula sa akin:

Huwag kang mag-alala, hindi ko hahayaang umikot na lamang ang mundo nang hindi ko namamalayan. Hindi ako tatayo na lamang upang pagmasdan ang pag-ikot ng aking kapaligiran. Lalakad ako, Mos. Tulad ng dati, magpapatuloy ako sa aking paglalakbay. Hahakbang muli at sasabay sa pag-inog ng mundo ang aking mundo. At sa huli, bibitbitin at aalalahanin ko lamang ang mga tao at alaalang magtutulak sa akin sa aking paglalakbay. Ang lahat ng iba pa'y iiwanan at mananatiling bahagi lamang ng aking nakaraan. 

Masaya ako at kabahagi ka ng aking kasalukuyan. Walang duda, isa ka sa mga taong aking aakbayan sa pagpapatuloy ko sa aking bawat paghakbang. 

Salamat.

---

Ikaw, sinu-sino ang mga kasama mo sa iyong paglalakbay?

And I'm finally letting go. Thanks, M. :-)

I miss you.

Discombobulated

How come happy faces pervade the whole gamut of pictures posted in social networking sites all over the net? Where are those that highlight the hurt that any one of us may feel at any given time? Where are the emotions that pierce the veil of our contoured countenances? I want to get real. I want to feel what I feel intently. I no longer want to deny and hide. This whole dance of breaking up and making up is making me tired. And hurt. But it also makes me realize why I always go back in the first place. The closest friend that I have says it's merely a phase. It's just a habit that needs breaking. A conglomeration of safe routines established in a span of less than a year. But I miss the sweet banoffee pie, the hot chocolates, and the late night cuddling that lasted the whole night. Yet it may never happen again. In fact, it nearly never happened. It is the fear of the unknown, of the separation that brought it about in the first place. It is one incoherent stream of colors dancing along a wide spectrum that I could not even begin to grasp and accept.

I am scared and afraid.

Bob Ong

"Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

Suspension

Even playing Farmville brings the feeling of dread, that which comes when you know you are losing someone you truly love.

Bare

BARE

From the musical, Bare

Do you remember the day that you met me?
I swear it was yesterday, I knew with a glance
That you were the question, and you were the answer
That the world would make sense again if I held your hand
Someday you'll look back, and I hope you'll remember
The moment of truth when I knew who I was
How did I learn the truth you gave to me?

I will always remember that first stolen moment
There you were kissing me, and time seemed to freeze
Now I stand at a crossroad and stare at a question
If prayer were the answer I'd fall on my knees
But forward is calling and I cannot stay here
A parting of souls as I try to move on
How do I forget the dream you shared with me?

I've never been this bare / I've never been so scared
I've never felt such honesty / Don't stop we'll never go away
A moment of such peace / Each of us standing bare
Knowing what you mean to me / Knowing who we have to be
Know as you hold my hand / I hope and pray
We're forever you and I / That you'll understand

I know you're here in my heart

Please understand that I tried

Try to see it's not good bye
The act is beginning, the audience waits

No, stay in this moment, where secrets reveal
Here in a world where there's safety in falsehood
I have discovered the one thing that's real
That I love you and I loved you from the start
And if you hold that close to you, we'll never be apart
Please know I loved you...

God, I love you

From the start

Stuck

If you want to get unstuck, give yourself a kick in the butt. 

Someone said that in Facebook today. And it hit me. Made me think of myself and my current situation. Am I stuck? Am I in that phase in my life when everything holds still for that one moment that will eventually give me the most needed push? Or alternatively, am I where I needed to be, and me choosing to be in this place is not being stuck; rather, it's me moving in exactly the right direction? 

It's not often when it happens that I get confused (not in my life situation at least). Often, friends would tell me I'm the most logical person they know. Well, the most emotional logical person, that is. But whatever, I often get a certain sense, an outline if you must, of how my life should proceed; of how, when and where I should go. 

But this time, that one line, that one small thought, unnerved me and made me ask. Where then should I go, if at all? Or should what I am now stay so I'd know where to go? Am I blinded by my emotions that it kept me stuck in the same place, or is that same emotion the only driving force keeping me afloat these days? 

There are so many questions that need even more answers, and I am grasping at straws on how to reach them. I think I am happy. But should I really be? I want this to last, but will what I receive last?

I don't know. I'm taking it one step at a time. Stuck or being  unstuck, whatever. I'll enjoy what I have now; and like always, I'll do it by not doing, for this, too, I know, shall come to pass.

One week

It's been one long week. I wonder if you'd ever find your way back. Or if we should continually get lost moving on. Walls are starting to rise, distance is starting to divide. Now is the time to act. Or it is gonna be too late. Sigh.

To be in and out of love...

Excerpts from…

WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE

(Debunking The Myths That Are Driving You Crazy)

By Bo Sanchez

You start blaming your partner for the loss of love. This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins . Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less Traveled).

Falling in love isn't love. Here's why. When you fall in love…

No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.

No effort is required. Falling in love is like…. well, falling.

No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it — that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

---

College, when I first learned to love, seems like a long long time ago. Now, years later, I still believe in the same thing. I love. And I hope it would never change.

A lifetime

Yesterday, I felt your love again. And it made me whole. Your soft kisses and the endearing touch of your presence were enough to remind me, that was why I loved you in the first place. Now, what I have is our last memory together as a happy couple, and that sweetest memory will already last me a lifetime.

Thank you, M.

Crossroads

After everything, I now know that I am at a crossroad. The paths have now been cleared, the carpet laid. I have but to choose. 

On the one hand, I could stay, but only if I get unconditional love. I cannot, and will not, settle for less. Not anymore. On the other, I'd turn around and completely erase you out of my life, to begin anew. 

None of these will be easy. Both will require work. But for what it's worth, whatever I choose, I will have move on. To a stronger love regarding the first, and hopefully to a happier future in relation to the next. Yes, either way, I will have move on.

And I can't wait. This drama has already taken its toll. It needs to stop.

And that begins now.

Ikaw pa rin

Until now, there's only one name I hope to see when I go online. It's yours. I hope you know that.

Your Eyes

YOUR EYES

RENT

Your Eyes 

As We Said Our Goodbyes 

Can't Get Them Out Of My Mind 

And I Find I Can't Hide (From) 

Your Eyes 

The Ones That Took Me By Surprise 

The Night You Came Into My Life 

Where There's Moonlight 

I See Your Eyes 

How'd I Let You Slip Away 

When I'm Longing So To Hold You 

Now I'd Die For One More Day 

'Cause There's Something I Should 

Have Told You 

Yes There's Something I Should Have 

Told You 

When I Looked Into Your Eyes 

Why Does Distance Make Us Wise? 

You Were The Song All Along 

And Before The Song Dies 

I Should Tell You I Should Tell You 

I Have Always Loved You 

You Can See It In My Eyes

Mimi

Pain

After a long time, I return to writing to let out what I feel. We have broken up. And I am in so much pain, one that haunts me before I sleep and shakes me as I wake.

My mind tells me to move on. But my heart just yearns. My 2009 is built with that someone, everything that I have done this year is with that one.

But now, I was let go. Just like that. And I am hurting. Too bad.

I hope to move on. I wish to move on. Help me.

Quotes

Is that all you want? To be treated well? How about love and passion?

--Abby, Harper's Island

Quotes

"I don't just love you; I love the way you love me."

-Gabby, Desperate Housewives

---

I wish everyone were as lucky. :P

Resolve

(From one blog I came across during one of those days...)

Right here, right now, I am making a stand. My life will not revolve around you. My days will not be made to accommodate you. From now on, it will be about me, just me. Then, maybe you'll know my worth. Then maybe you'll say that you miss me, or even that you love me. 

A time away from you is all that I need to restore my self-worth.

And this is my resolve.

That Kind of Love

I wanna feel that kind of love again. That kind when I actually feel that I’m wanted. That kind where I am not afraid to say what I mean, even if I’m not making any sense. That kind where I don’t almost always half-expect the other to walk out on me even for the least of things. That sweep-me-off-my-feet kind. That kind when I not only feel loved, but also see the love in that other person’s eyes. That kind when I would gladly succumb to that drowning feeling knowing fully well that that someone will always take my hand and lift me up. That kind that makes me wake up in the middle of the night and makes me smile. That kind which do not give me dole outs but gives me the best that the person could. That kind that puts me in a pedestal without any hint of malice or shame, but of pure pride. That which would never make me feel unloved. That which would always, always love me back.

I wanna feel that kind of love again. For I have almost forgotten it.

Quote

"You can't blame yourself. Some people are just broken. I guess you just try not to care too much, so you can't be disappointed."

--Izzie, Grey's Anatomy

OMG!

It's the anniversary of the Gossip Boy Series!

Ang bilis ng panahon!

Mr. Nice Guy

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

That's what I used to say when I was still the nice college guy with a nice Catholic background from the province. I guess my teachers back then taught me well. GMRC and values education were not lost on me.

I remember one time in college, when I was at my all time low, one of my best friends, while crying with me, asked, "Bakit ba nangyayari sa'yo 'tong mga to, Jel, eh ang bait-bait mo?" At that time, I too didn't know why those things were happening to me. But I was sure of one thing, I was nice and I didn't deserve them. 

And people liked me for being nice. In fact, I think I became friends with my friends because of it. And we spent the best years of our lives in college because of that.

When I entered law school immediately after college though, there was an entirely different story. I was no longer Mr. Nice Guy. I was the snappy one, ready to devour anyone open to a challenge, ready to retort with the same level of evil thrown at me. At that time, I liked it. In fact, I did everything to be it. I thought it gave me character. 

Not knowing it cost me mine.

Now, when I am again at a low point in my life, I realize friends could no longer say the same things. I am no longer nice. I can no longer say that I don't deserve what befalls me these days.

I wonder if I should forget being who I have become and start becoming who I was. Will my life get better? Will I gain more new friends and regain my old ones? Will I be the same me that was strong not because I was a bully but because I was liked?

I don't know. I hope so. 

I wish he'd come back, Mr. Nice Guy.

(P.S. I wrote this few weeks ago, and I never had a chance to post it. Today, I reckon I didn't have to wait for another low moment in my life to publish this entry. Hence, this post.)

Of Trophies and Goals

I read someone's blog few weeks ago--he, envying his ex-law school classmates who'll take the bar soon, and they, treating him out for lunch in Tagaytay during one of their rare vacations. In the midst of the narrative, I felt a sudden gush of nostalgia when I, too, was still in the law school. Back then, I was determined not to give up and to see it through till the end. I vowed that I will not be among those who will have to leave for whatever reason. I was determined--not to get hold of the trophy, but merely to reach the goal.

So I wonder if the blogger was really envious that his ex-law school classmates are finishing law school and taking the bar soon, or if it is just the frustration of not finishing something he started that was talking.

I finished law school in a good school and with good grades. I also passed the bar, first time and top 5%. But after this, after reaching a seemingly unreachable goal, like my thoughts on the blogger's entry, I now wonder, "Did I really want this in the first place?" 

Or was it just the rush of the race to the finish line that kept me going?

Addiction

It creeps into your body without your knowing it, addiction. Then it destroys your soul, slowly, gradually, until none is left to deconstruct, until you can only utter so few words to get a glimpse of who or what you used to be. It makes you lose any sense of self you painstakingly worked for and build in all your years.

Until you realize that you can break free, that you can detox and cleanse yourself of what you so blindly welcomed into your system. It is, after all, just a substance. And you, with all the years behind you, are stronger than that.

Purge yourself of what is not needed, and you see yourself again. Pure. Strong. Independent. Who you were,

and who you will always be.

Repost

From JM's site...

---

Yung taong may pangarap para sa aming dalawa

Pangarap kong mahalin ang taong isa ako sa mga nasa listahan ng priority niya..

Yung suplado sa iba dahil alam niyang magseselos ako..

Yung walang ibang bukambibig kundi pangalan ko..

Yung kakamustahin ang araw ko kahit na paulit ulit at pare-pareho lang ang mga nangyayari..

Yung hindi kayang matulog hanggat galit ako..

Yung taong hindi ako kayang bigyan ng dahilan para magduda..

Yung interesado maging parte ng buhay ko..

Yung taong may pangarap para sa aming dalawa..

Pero ang pinakagusto ko, yung taong hindi alam ang salitang sorry dahil hindi niya kayang masaktan ako.

-forwarded text.

Seriously?

So I have been at home the whole day, watching TV, and in every local channel I tune in to, the hot topic of discussion is the "sex video" of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho (or is it Koh?).

I got curious, naturally, so I searched youtube for the controversial video, watched it, and got confused as to why that particular video I've seen merits this much hype from the media. I mean, what I saw were a very sexy Katrina Halili in her underwear dancing to the tune of Careless Whisper, and a very sweaty Hayden Kho, clad in his briefs, gyrating to and singing the same song. Hmmm. I finished the whole clip and nowhere therein did I see anyone taking off their remaining apparel and performing sexual intercourse.

Okay, I thought, maybe I watched the snipped version of the video. Hence, I watched another, and another, and then another. I pretty much saw the same thing: two very hot persons gyrating to the tune of a very sexy song.

So what the heck is all the fuss about?

I can't see how the video I've seen is any different from the dance numbers I have seen countless of times in local variety shows where the dancers (usually, the female dancers) are only clad in very skimpy clothings shaking whatever assets they have been generously given. It made me ask, since when did the definition of "sex video" exclude the actuality that there must first be sex in the video? Hmmm.

I do hope that there is more to the "sex video" than what I've actually seen because if not, that video is, and remains to be, a simple footage of two persons dancing. Period.

And Katrina Halili is not any less of a sexy actress because of that.

Hello!

Ironic

It's easy to say that I can't wait to leave. But it's hard to admit that I feel lost upon leaving.

It's ironic, this life.

Last week

Okay, so it's unofficially my last week of work in the office this week. And true to my form, I have been looking left and right for reasons not to get too lazy or too apathetic with what little stuff that remains to be my responsibility. Until few hours ago, I found none. Hence, it took a great deal of effort on my part to show up at work today only to pretend that I am bustling with important stuff that needed to be done.

It turns out that I needed only to show up and open my e-mail (yes, my ever-dreaded email) and voila, work was there packed in an annoying red dot with a number superimposed on it.

I should have been happy, right? Wrong. Instead of finding a reason to be busy, I found a reason to be sulky for still receiving work this late in the game. Hello! I have resigned people. Don't give me work that I won't be able to finish. Naman! Kayo rin naman ang mahihirapan no.

But oh well, good thing I had lunch with Ker and MakMak (one of the last few we'll be having during lunch here in Makati--awww). It kinda relieved some unnecessary negative vibes from the office.

The walk back from RCBC to the office helped too despite the scorching heat of the sun. I suppose it accorded me some opportunity to be alone and think about me and my future. I realized I'm really excited to start in my new job and definitely anxious to end the present. More than anything, I think it's the change of scenario that I appreciate the most. Kind of like what I felt like back in college when all I could think about was leaving the Philippines and never coming back. But that's another story for another time. Right now, I'm focused on the inevitable change. And this change is good.

I like it. And this time, I really hope it lasts.

Clouds

When it hurts so bad, and you know you can't do anything about it because it is you who caused it, and all remedies that you know cannot alleviate such pain, then it is time to reconsider--yourself and the way you deal with others. You question what you know and how you've always been. Then take a shot at changing it. So you could have a chance at a future. One that you so fervently hope for. And still long for. Until now.

Despite the glooming overcast of a bleak tomorrow.

For the first time, I wish it won't rain. I still love you. I don't want that washed away. Not for now. Not for a long while.

Happiness

Take away the stress from work and one good thing remains apparent: I am happy. Really happy. Thanks, M G.

Happiness

Take away the stress from work and one good thing remains apparent: I am happy. Really happy. Thanks, M.

Dear Diary

It's 2:40 in the afternoon and all I can do is look at my office window whenever I tire of surfing the net. But this is not for lack of many many things to do, mind you. It's just one of those days when all I wanna do is lie around at home and watch dvds. It is also one of those days when I wish I were as rich as the latest lotto winners because by then, I would have quit my job, set up my own corporation, and manage the business that I have always dreamt of having--loads of cash and minimum work. Haha. Yun nga lang, what business I have in mind takes time before I can rake in the cash. But oh well. 

Going back to reality, I'm so waiting for 6pm to come. It's Friday! Ahhh. I remember the time when I used to go out every weekend. Such was the life of a single guy. Not that I miss it. I just remember it, nothing more. No worries for you there, M. Hehe. So now that all I can dream of is the 6pm bell, I wonder what I'll do by then. Hmm, M's not here. I'm sure K's off somewhere with friends. The other M's not replying to my messages (yes, yes, I may have given M a reason not to--and I apologize for that--but at that time, well, my life was swirling. I couldn't even reply to my cousin who was going to be arraigned at that time. Argh. Those times were hell.) That leaves me with my law school and college friends, which couldn't help either. T is once more in the boondocks with the boondocks friends, and the rest of the college peeps are meeting tomorrow and not tonight.

Hmm. Now that I'm writing about this, it makes me wonder if I really couldn't contact anyone to hang out with tonight. Naman! Sige nga, since it's just 2:56 at my time, I'd try to get in touch with all peeps. That gives me more or less three hours to organize my thoughts and decide on what I want to do tonight.

Gotta go. See yah.