Night's Watch

Woke up in the middle of the night. Again. This kind of thing has been happening recurrently in the past weeks. I wonder if this has to do with all the after-office time I have, or the brewing stress at work this week (thank goodness it's this week only), or the premature stoppage of that clandestine meeting last night. But whatever it was, it's keeping me up and dreary. And I bet lethargic the rest of the day. Argh. Great. Just great. Why does this need to happen on the day I have to accomplish a lot?

Hay, life.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps

Because I updated my blog today, I got curious how far I've come since I started blogging. This particular site has been with me since 2007, but I have been blogging in blogspot since March, 2004. Man, that's almost 6 years ago. I'm getting old.

And none the wiser.

I see I've been having the same dilemma about love every time I'm single. I experience the same thrills during my weekly night outs. I don't dread recitations in law school anymore, but I do still complain about work and the necessary hazards thereof.

It makes me wonder, do people really change? Or do they just revert to the same old routine when faced with the same old problems? We could be stronger, perhaps, but does the repetition of life's challenges somehow make us settle back to the same old persons that we were when we dealt with them in the past?

Yes, I am indeed the same man. A lot of years older but still the same person at the very core.

And I wonder if that's any good.

Hmm...

Quote

"You can't blame yourself. Some people are just broken. I guess you just try not to care too much, so you can't be disappointed."

--Izzie, Grey's Anatomy

Seriously?

So I have been at home the whole day, watching TV, and in every local channel I tune in to, the hot topic of discussion is the "sex video" of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho (or is it Koh?).

I got curious, naturally, so I searched youtube for the controversial video, watched it, and got confused as to why that particular video I've seen merits this much hype from the media. I mean, what I saw were a very sexy Katrina Halili in her underwear dancing to the tune of Careless Whisper, and a very sweaty Hayden Kho, clad in his briefs, gyrating to and singing the same song. Hmmm. I finished the whole clip and nowhere therein did I see anyone taking off their remaining apparel and performing sexual intercourse.

Okay, I thought, maybe I watched the snipped version of the video. Hence, I watched another, and another, and then another. I pretty much saw the same thing: two very hot persons gyrating to the tune of a very sexy song.

So what the heck is all the fuss about?

I can't see how the video I've seen is any different from the dance numbers I have seen countless of times in local variety shows where the dancers (usually, the female dancers) are only clad in very skimpy clothings shaking whatever assets they have been generously given. It made me ask, since when did the definition of "sex video" exclude the actuality that there must first be sex in the video? Hmmm.

I do hope that there is more to the "sex video" than what I've actually seen because if not, that video is, and remains to be, a simple footage of two persons dancing. Period.

And Katrina Halili is not any less of a sexy actress because of that.

Hello!

Ironic

It's easy to say that I can't wait to leave. But it's hard to admit that I feel lost upon leaving.

It's ironic, this life.

Last week

Okay, so it's unofficially my last week of work in the office this week. And true to my form, I have been looking left and right for reasons not to get too lazy or too apathetic with what little stuff that remains to be my responsibility. Until few hours ago, I found none. Hence, it took a great deal of effort on my part to show up at work today only to pretend that I am bustling with important stuff that needed to be done.

It turns out that I needed only to show up and open my e-mail (yes, my ever-dreaded email) and voila, work was there packed in an annoying red dot with a number superimposed on it.

I should have been happy, right? Wrong. Instead of finding a reason to be busy, I found a reason to be sulky for still receiving work this late in the game. Hello! I have resigned people. Don't give me work that I won't be able to finish. Naman! Kayo rin naman ang mahihirapan no.

But oh well, good thing I had lunch with Ker and MakMak (one of the last few we'll be having during lunch here in Makati--awww). It kinda relieved some unnecessary negative vibes from the office.

The walk back from RCBC to the office helped too despite the scorching heat of the sun. I suppose it accorded me some opportunity to be alone and think about me and my future. I realized I'm really excited to start in my new job and definitely anxious to end the present. More than anything, I think it's the change of scenario that I appreciate the most. Kind of like what I felt like back in college when all I could think about was leaving the Philippines and never coming back. But that's another story for another time. Right now, I'm focused on the inevitable change. And this change is good.

I like it. And this time, I really hope it lasts.

Dear Diary

It's 2:40 in the afternoon and all I can do is look at my office window whenever I tire of surfing the net. But this is not for lack of many many things to do, mind you. It's just one of those days when all I wanna do is lie around at home and watch dvds. It is also one of those days when I wish I were as rich as the latest lotto winners because by then, I would have quit my job, set up my own corporation, and manage the business that I have always dreamt of having--loads of cash and minimum work. Haha. Yun nga lang, what business I have in mind takes time before I can rake in the cash. But oh well. 

Going back to reality, I'm so waiting for 6pm to come. It's Friday! Ahhh. I remember the time when I used to go out every weekend. Such was the life of a single guy. Not that I miss it. I just remember it, nothing more. No worries for you there, M. Hehe. So now that all I can dream of is the 6pm bell, I wonder what I'll do by then. Hmm, M's not here. I'm sure K's off somewhere with friends. The other M's not replying to my messages (yes, yes, I may have given M a reason not to--and I apologize for that--but at that time, well, my life was swirling. I couldn't even reply to my cousin who was going to be arraigned at that time. Argh. Those times were hell.) That leaves me with my law school and college friends, which couldn't help either. T is once more in the boondocks with the boondocks friends, and the rest of the college peeps are meeting tomorrow and not tonight.

Hmm. Now that I'm writing about this, it makes me wonder if I really couldn't contact anyone to hang out with tonight. Naman! Sige nga, since it's just 2:56 at my time, I'd try to get in touch with all peeps. That gives me more or less three hours to organize my thoughts and decide on what I want to do tonight.

Gotta go. See yah.

Dapit-hapon

Lumubog na naman  ang haring araw. Isang araw na naman ang nagdaan. Isang araw na puno ng stress dahil sa maraming nakaambang na trabaho. Trabahong laging nadaragdagan at hindi man lang mabawas-bawasan. 

Alas sais na nang umalis kami sa Fontana. Nag-dinner muna kami ni Ms. Emy bago tumulak pabalik sa Maynila, gutom na raw sya eh. Okay na rin sakin para tipid na sa hapunan pag-uwi ko sa bahay.

Kaya naman padilim na nung nakalabas sa NLEX ang van na sinasakyan namin. Nag-aagaw na ang liwanag at dilim sa lahat ng dako ng kapaligiran. Halos hindi ko na nga nakita nang buo yung bagong Marquee Mall na itnatayo sa may Angeles Exit. Sa bandang kanan ko, bahagya ko nang nasilayan ang ginintuang kulay ng langit dahil sa paglubog ng araw. Oo nga, pagabi na naman--oras na pinakaaayawan ko. 

Ipinaaalala kasi nito na kahit anong gawin ko, mananalo pa rin ang dilim sa laban na iyon. Na kahit anong pagpipilit at paghahanda ang pagdaanan ko, darating at darating din ang gabi. At, noong bata pa ako, kasama nitong madalas ang ingay, pagtatalo, at takot. Ingay dahil sa boses na lango sa alak, pagtatalong walang kahit na anong basehan, at takot sapagkat wala akong matatakasan. Wala akong ibang mapupuntahan. 

***

Nasa A. Bonifacio na kami nang muli kong namalayan ang aking kapaligiran. Nawala na naman pala ako sa pag-alala ng mga mapapait kong karanasan noong bata pa ako. Hindi ko tuloy napansin na nakapag-exit na pala kami ng NLEX, at gabi na naman pala.

Ilang taon na rin mula nung huli ko syang nakita. Pero hanggang ngayon, naaalala ko pa sya, at ang mga nagawa nya.

Sana, mag-umaga na.

Balik-tanaw

Ilang ulit ko nang tinangka na ilahad ang aking nararamdaman sa pamamagitan ng wikang una kong natutunan. Ilang ulit na rin akong nabigo. Bigo hindi dahil salat ang bukal ng aking inspirasyon at kaisipan kundi bigo sapagkat waring ibinaon ko na sa limot ang indayog ng lirisismong Pilipino.

Nasaan na ang dating ako na hindi lamang matatas sa pagbigkas ng Filipino kundi mahusay din sa pagsasatitik ng mga kaisipan?

In the here and now

Right here, right now, waiting. It's a judgment I never want to hear. It's a hearing I never want to be judged. I know my worth, but I also know what I've done, and what I am continuing to do. Yes, I am part of this group, but it's a part I so reluctantly want to own. One day, two days, three months, four years. All are part of an inconceivable plan that I cannot foresee, nor forego.

I don't know what to do.

Of lakes and stars

In a span of a decade, everything has drastically changed and if you have noticed, it has become increasingly difficult for me to vividly recall a memory attached to a place or a thing... 

-MakMak, Higher ground: Up to the Rooftop

San Pablo, for me, has not yet become Makati, for you. I still recognize the old houses lining that lonely boulevard where our house still stands on. I still see those wonderful trees giving shade to the city, though, like you, I have never climbed any of them for the hunt of caterpillars.

But then, even as I still have clear memories of buildings erected in my hometown, like you, much has also been lost. Many trees have long been used as firewood. Many fields have already become houses and buildings. The one big playground where we usually flew our kites on is now a track field for San Pablo's growing population.

But, more than these, what I miss the most about my hometown are the people who I grew up there with. It's the friends who I never see anymore. It's the school rivals we have always had upon dismissal of classes in the afternoons. It's the crowd in my org as we planned to conquer the world.

Now, so many years after, and still miles and miles short of my quest to rule the earth, I look back in my hometown with silent hope and confident pride. Hope that I too, like many others before me, will make my hometown proud. And pride, that once I reach that dream, I can and will always say, I am, in my mind and in my heart, truly, a son of that City of Seven Lakes.

Lakes that will always reflect the beauty of your rooftop's star-adorned sky.

Argh

I'm sad. I'm so sad I can't even put into words how I feel. I just know that I have had a really shitty week, and I just so want it to end. 

I need to bounce back.

Atenista ako

Fine, late entry na kung late entry. Pero ngayong panahong 'to, walang makatatanggi, ang sarap maging Atenista!!! Woohoo!!! Mainggit na lahat ng maiinggit! ;p

Another Personality Test

I used to be an INFJ in college; and I've come a long way since then. ;p

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test...

ESTJ-The Supervisor

You scored 73% I to E, 79% N to S, 62% F to T,  and 26% J to P!

   

Your type is known as the supervisor, as you are not hesitant to give your stamp of approval on others - or tell them how they are lacking if they are.  You are surprised when others don't seem grateful that you have set them straight.  Your type also belongs to the larger group called guardians.  Experience is what matters to you, not experimentation or conjecture.  You often take a lead role in the many groups and organizations you belong to.  You worry a great deal about society falling apart, morality degrading, and what the world is coming to.  You share your personality type with 10% of the population.

As a romantic partner, you communicate very clearly your strong opinions so your partner always knows where they stand.  You are dependable, responsible, and rock solid.  You can be rather infexible about giving up any control and insist on keeping a schedule, although you have great energy and enthusiam for planned adventures.  You have difficulty seeing other's points of view and your biggest downfall in a relationship is dismissing your partner's feelings as illogical.  You feel most appreciated for being trustworthy, efficient, and productive.  You wish to be thanked tangibly for the ways you keep your lives on track.

Your group summary:  Guardians (SJ)

Your Type Summary:  ESTJ

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

Incompetence

I was looking at my files before leaving from work today, when I saw this blog entry which I wrote two weeks ago (and yes, it was at a time when I was still not doing much in the office, hehe). Anyway, here it is.

1 August 2008

Grrr. I have had it with government bureaucracy. Today, I headed to a government office to clarify some registration requirements provided for in the Philippine Mining Act of 1995. Naturally, I proceeded to the Office of Legal Affairs to talk to a lawyer who, presumably, should know the requirements of their office. 

But no (u-huh, and you see this coming), all she did was refer me to another agency and blamed them for coming up with a "vague" implementing rules and regulations (IRR). Hello! The hell about the IRR; the law specifically points to her office for a certification that is a requirement. Why the freaking hell doesn't she know about it? And worse, couldn't the lawyer and her office staff be bothered to check the law, which, by her admission, is so vague even she couldn't decipher what it means? Couldn't she spare a minute or so to call her counterpart in that other agency, and discuss the law which causes confusion? Isn't that supposed to be her job?

But more than this, if the lawyer in that agency didn't know about it, how should any company looking to invest in the Philippines know about it? It's bad enough that there are so many requirements that need be submitted; but for the government agencies not to know about them? I don't think it's acceptable. 

Not by a long mile. 

No wonder foreign investors don't favor the Philippines. Argh.

P.S.

Makmak, yes, I have seen that you tagged me. I promise to make my entry as soon as I can, hehe. ;p

First Paycheck!!!

As a lawyer.

(And yeah, you don't have to squint, I blurred it out, hehe.. ;p)

I am the Devil?

Naman! Imagine the shock that registered on my face when I clicked on the button and this card came up. Whew. Tsk tsk. I think this represents the current phase of my life--ONLY. (Defensive! Haha. Thanks Mak for the link.)

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Note

Hold your horses, J, while you still can. You know where this will lead to from the first hour, don't fool yourself that you can make it any different. What will be will still be, what is, however, depends on you. So stay strong, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others before you, and be the man that you think you have become. Draw on what you've learned and use it to shape what more there is to learn.

Besides, so many options are open, right? Go dwell on them first. See their worth and never miss the opportunity to expand your horizons. After all, it is you who have always said to make an informed choice, right? 

Right.

Of Cracks and Pirates

Funny thing.

I've been browsing the net just now for a crack to a game I just downloaded. My search led me to this online site where legitimate buyers of the game ask the game's administrators for solutions to bugs. 

Then there came this one person who asked the very same manufacturer for a crack to the game. Made me laugh. The poster didn't realize that the site was legit.

What's more is that another poster came along and asked the same manufacturer for the very same crack. I think the manufacturer almost had a heart attack. Haha. ;p

Big Buddha

Few hours ago, Ker craved for Chinese food, specifically for dumplings. So between the ghastly wind and the pouring rain, Ker, Ken and I headed to Big Buddha at Greenbelt 3 to satisfy Ker's very discriminating palate. And we weren't disappointed. The shrimp dumplings were superb, the spare ribs were full to the taste, and the fish fillet in garlic was divine.  The pork siomai was not outstanding though, but it wasn't bad. Over-all we got our money's worth and left with a little more weight in the tummy. Definitely worth a second visit for the Chinese cravers.