Manila Skyline

I visited one of my new-found friends in his office yesterday to wrestle from him one of my shirts that I lent him few weeks ago. The office was in PBCom Tower, the highest building in the Philippines (or so they say). I had my mind set up to stay there for only a few minutes, just enough time to give him a minor slap for taking too long to return my shirt. But lo and behold, I stayed a couple more. I was taken by surprise; the view was simply breathtaking. And this is why.

I think I'd visit him again today on the pretext of friendship, but this time, I'm bringing Ker's powerful camera to capture the sight, hehe.. ;p

Gray areas before dawn

"And people have different moral standards. It doesn't matter whether something is right or wrong, what's more important is who deems so…"

"Indeed, the concept does not change. However, the definition does to cope up with circumstances and sometimes, whims."

-M, Lucid Interval

Right and wrong, as concepts, center on two clashing ideas. One is the idea that certain acts are morally and civilly acceptable in today's world, the other is the idea that other acts are not. The fact that people define one activity as morally upright suggests that there is another, contrary to that activity, which is not--thus, the discourse in identifying which among the many clashing acts is right and which is wrong. 

Having said that, I go on to the question of definition. If it were true that people individually define right and wrong, then there will be as many definitions as there are people. Thus, a single act may be defined in infinitely many ways, thereby destroying the concept of two clashing ideas altogether. Ultimately, the concept of morality fails because morality resides in this very opposition.

Thus, in our definitions, there has to be limitations. 

There are acts which cannot be defined as nothing else but right, or nothing else but wrong. In the same vein, there are those which fall in the middle, the so-called "gray" areas of morality. The importance of the person's judgment becomes most apparent in these acts because people are more likely to disagree. 

So in whose hands then should the authority to decide lie? Or perhaps, a better question would be, what criteria should we use to decide?

Truth is relative, not relativist. Truth has many facets (relative), it does not subject itself to the whims or caprice of the person (relativist). The same goes for morality. Although it can be seen differently by many people from different perspectives, it can still constitute the same "right" and, conversely, define the same "wrong." It does not subject itself to the whims or caprice of the person.

Therefore, to answer the question, while it is true that the person judging is important, it is equally imperative to give importance to the concept of moral standards. 

Of course, moral standards are not static, nor are they set in stone. It is granted that these must also adapt with the changing times but only as a result of fruitful dialogue between persons, and not, again, as a mere result of their whims.

P.S.

This has been a fun exercise in intellectual discourse. Thanks Mak.

J's looks, R's personality, and J's intelligence

In one of the many times that I have been looking for the perfect person to be with, K, my bestest best friend, suggested a perfect profile. Combine J's (other J) looks, R's personality, and J's (another J) intelligence, then you'd have one heck of a person that would pass my standards. 

I wish someone like that really exists. So I can finally say, 

"At last, I found you."

XOXO Gossip Boy (Part V of V)

As I said, I’m new at this world. And I suppose, I have lots to learn.

Things that I'm not sure I want to learn.

One, I can’t understand how some of them think about relationships. How can something so precious to me be just as ordinary to some? How can something so valuable in this life as I think it is be not as valuable to others? Don't get me wrong, I am not judging, I am merely asking, hoping to understand.

Two, how can a simple case of miscommunication lead to full-blown arguments in the presence of people who they barely know? A simple and quiet talk would have been fine and would have straighten up the issues entirely. But to lead to face slapping and all? I don’t get that.

Three, how can something so innocent lead to issues which may eventually lead to another set of arguments? How can nothing lead to something which may lead to something else? How come trust in a relationship seem to have played merely a minor role between the lovers? Again, to this point, I am at a total loss.

Argh, I’m so confused. Do I really know what I’m getting myself into? Or more important than that, do I really want to get myself into that? I have been happy and content with my life until I started exploring a world other than my own. Well, I got what I was looking for, but was it the outcome I was hoping for?

Many many people have said before, don’t let your friends choose you, you choose your friends. So my question now is this, did I let this new set of people choose me or have I chosen them?

I have no idea. I don’t know.

Fortunately, another house party is coming up. And I’d reserve judgment until then.

So until the next time, you know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Boy.

XOXO Gossip Boy (Part IV of V)

Few nights ago, I attended a house party thrown by a birthday celebrant, and expectedly, it was fun fun fun.

Until some issues came out later in the drunken night, that is.

First, it was an issue involving J.

Second, something happened involving brothers.

Lastly, apparently, something happened that night which directly involved me.

There is no easy way to say this without sounding defensive, but here it goes anyway: D, nothing happened between me and O. Nor will there ever be something coming from me which will interfere with your relationship.

Believe that.

XOXO, Gossip Boy.

XOXO Gossip Boy (Part III of V)

Few nights ago, I attended a house party thrown by a birthday celebrant, and expectedly, it was fun fun fun.

Until some issues came out later in the drunken night, that is.

First, it was the issue about J and how it left me confused, and lost, and sad.

Second, in the wee hours of dawn the day after, and amidst the swirling drunkenness of all involved, there ensued an argument between brothers. I don’t understand the whole story, partially because I was drunk and partially because I was more concerned about the state of drunkenness of K, R and J. Anyway, since it was, at that time, impossible not to notice what was going on, I surmised that it was an issue about privacy in the household.

At some level I understand both sides. One, I understand the side of the housemates, who expectedly and naturally should have a say as to whom should be invited over the house for sleepovers. I get that. I too would throw a fit if my roomie decided to have someone over without my permission.

But on the other hand, I too understand the other side. As a man in love, the others should understand that now, they are no longer dealing with two separate individuals. Now, their roommate and the person that that roommate is in a relationship with, becomes one and the same. Where one goes, the other follows. Such is the nature of a relationship that no one should even expect that secrets among them would not be revealed.

You see, here is my take on relationships. At first, there are two individual and separate persons. But when these persons decide to be together, they don’t merely become together literally, but they also merge in everything else. Their lives collide and become one such that two paths converge and become one superhighway where the people build their lives together (at least until the time when they separate, and once more, live separate lives).

So I don’t suppose others should blame their roommates for having the person which he is in a relationship with sleepover anytime. Such is the nature of relationships, and that is something that friends, especially brothers, should understand.

Don't you agree?

Until the next time, XOXO, Gossip boy.

XOXO Gossip Boy (Part II of V)

Few nights ago, I attended a house party thrown by a birthday celebrant, and expectedly, it was fun fun fun.

Until some issues came out later in the drunken night, that is.

First, I don’t understand J at all. Where ever this person goes, there seems to be someone else attached to that person, and this despite having a “special someone” in that person’s life. How can someone who is in the frontiers of a budding relationship still sail out in the world of flesh and bones? Doesn’t the term “special someone” mean saying no to others and trying out a new life lived with that someone? I think so, and I used to think that everybody else thinks so. Apparently, I’m wrong. Not many people think the way I do.

And that leaves me confused, and lost, and sad.

XOXO, Gossip boy.

XOXO Gossip Boy (Part I of V)

Changes have been happening to me lately. My horizons are expanding so to speak. I’m meeting new people, understanding other cultures, and getting to know another world—

which frankly I don’t think is liking me, and which I’m not liking either.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some genuinely wonderful people that I’ve met. Those who, despite situations, remain steadfast in a certain moral compass that seems to have been lost to others.

R, a new acquaintance, has been nothing but great. I admire how right and wrong seem to be still right and wrong no matter what. Some people do have the wonderful gift of being kind and understanding and morally upright (at least according to what I see).

There are also others.

G, a part of the older group, and who I terribly miss, has also been wonderful. There is also C, who despite being a part of a group (the new group), seem to have retained her individuality and capacity to accommodate some more people in her life.

But other than these people, I have yet to discover the way in which to deal with the others.

Few nights ago, I attended a house party thrown by a birthday celebrant (Happy Birthday D), and expectedly, it was fun fun fun.

Until some issues came out later in the drunken night, that is.

That night, I have had so many discoveries about myself and about these people amidst whom I am was enjoying myself. And it got me thinking. Hard. I have seen issues on which I have had points of reflection. I'll update you guys regarding those as soon as I can.

Until then, you know you love me, xoxo, gossip boy (hehehe)

Life - Dreams = Job

This true? I hope not.

Happy times

It's fun seeing friends again, the people whom you literally spend every studying day with in law school, the people who have always been there through your shitty recits and crazy exams. Last night, Titit, Sarj and I met up, had dinner (which we rarely, if not never, did when we were still seatmates in the law school) and just hang out and had cupcakes in Serendra (again, definitely not something we did back in the law school). Somehow, the fact that we now are moving in different circles because of our works (or the lack of it, hehe) made me realize how I have taken for granted seeing these people on a daily basis a year ago. 

But oh well oh well, times have changed, and fortunately, we haven't. Hours and hours still went by like dust in the wind, and us not knowing it has already gone. These are happy times. Happy happy times.

Somebody save me

I haven't been blogging lately and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I still am looking for that special someone, maybe because I still haven't found that person, or maybe because I'm on the verge of giving up. Whatever it is, I feel it is intimately related to everything I am going through right now. Frustration in work, lack of meaning in life, absence of someone to spend life with. Everything just seems so in the dark I can't seem to find my own way. 

Just recently, I have had a semi-sexual encounter with this person I want to be with, who expectedly doesn't want to be with me. Dude, not wanting to be with me but obligingly having semi-sex with me is so alien in my books that I am having a hard time reconciling what happened to what is real. How can someone have sex with anyone else who fancies them and not expect strings attached?

Life is one pool of swirling confusion in which I don't know if I can keep afloat any longer. And for the first time in my whole life, after what seemed like 26 years of independence, I am actually wishing that somebody  would come to save me.

Somebody, please, save me.

Scared shitless

For the first time, my Mac hung on me and sported a blank black screen. I was scared shitless, one, because I have never known my Mac to hang, and two, because I have absolutely no idea what to do. Shoot. I called Ker and asked if I should remove the battery to reboot the system. Good thing he said no because a few moments after (it seemed like forever as I recall it), the screen lit up again, returned to the screen I was working on before it hung, and (after consulting apple support using Ker's laptop) I hit the control, command, and power button which eventually rebooted the system.

Shoot, I nearly lost all my senses there. Argh. 

Quickies

That definitely counts as one of the quickest I have ever had. Jeez. Talk about breaking and entering in a hurry--all the while with the thought that someone might just blurt in on you guys and catch you standing right before the door with your pants down, so to speak, tsk tsk.

But then again, that's part of the fun, right? 

Yeah, hehe.. ;p

Hell no

You got another thing coming, man.

Stressful Fun

Saturday was fun but stressful. On the one hand, I was able to assemble this particular group of people who I am really fond of. On the other, I was scared shitless as to the perception it may give me. Oh well, good thing is I've had what I wanted on the day when I can have it. 

Nice.

Testing testing

I'm posting this entry through my e-mail. I know I know this feature has been here since like forever. I already tried it before but it didn't seem to work. Now, I'm trying it again, especially since blogger takes forever to load. Hehe.. ;p

Communication

And so it happens again: exploding emotions from the other side the cause of which I don't know anything about. Hay. I think I am falling for the wrong persons. They would rather keep it to themselves, whatever angst they have, than lash it out upon you and make you face the consequence. My philosophy has always been simple, let the other know what's eating you up inside so that s/he may help or ask for forgiveness for whatever it is that s/he has done. But to keep the other in the dark not only prevents a solution to the problem, it also subjects the other to guesswork, misapprehension of facts and psychological torture.

Everything becomes better if and when people communicate to the other what needs be said. If not, any foundation, no matter how good, will crumble to the ground and shall destroy whatever good things there may have been shared.

And that's sad.

Hold on, I'm coming

There it is again, that feeling of sadness, that longing for someone to hold on to, that overwhelming desire to reach for others and build a relationship with them, heck, and build a life with them. I can't imagine how lonely I'm becoming without that special someone that I've been praying for, that we've all been praying for. The fact that I just read tiggah's blog did not help at all. In fact, it made everything worse. It just made me feel like missing my own pooh. Hay, a few years ago, friends were looking up to me and my relationships as guides. Now, I'm on the other side of the fence, desperately clinging to my past experiences, hoping I could build a better future.

I know you're out there. I know you're waiting for me. Just hold on, ayt? I'm looking for you, I'm coming.

Sun sets

I can't believe that after two years of subscription with Sun Cellular, here I am again, blogging about how inefficient its people are. 

My line got cut two days ago, and today, I settled my account. In the past, it has always been possible to reconnect the line few moments after I had settled my bill. But this time, lo and behold, those freakin people told me that it can't be done. 

Apparently, I exceeded my credit limit (who would have thunk it? Haha) and it cannot be reconnected without settling half of its price. E di syempre na-shock naman ako. Their agent called me five days ago (May 1) informing me that the only amount I had to settle was Php380.00. But no, when I talked (more like argued and shouted, hehe) to the person in the Sun shop as well as to the person in their freakin inefficient hotline, I was supposed to pay Php1,500.00!!! 

Hello! From less than five hundred to more than 1,500? That was too much. Aside from the fact that I was never informed until I was there falling in line to pay up. Grrr. Eh di syempre, as usual, nakarinig sila sakin. Tsk tsk. Some companies really do have to improve their customer relations, especially for those that have been with them for more than two years now (ehem).

Hay nako, now I'm beginning to think renewing my phone line contract for another two years was a damn stupid mistake. The sun really did set down on me this time. Argh.

(Good thing I bumped into Nico after this freakin ordeal. We chatted over dinner which just saved my freakin day. Thanks Nico! Plus I had a tip from him as to who to contact with regard to our new Macs, yey!!! ;p)

Coming home

Whenever life seems to get the best of me, when I feel alone and depressed, when nothing seems to go the way I wished they would be, I come home. I return to the place that, in the early years of my young life, gave me solace, gave me peace, comfort. I return to that big old house, in that small dingy room, where I spent most of my youth, where I read most of my pocket books, where I discovered and began to love myself, where I first learned how to pray. Yes, it has not always been happy, it has not always been quiet, but it has always been home. It is one of the few things that remain constant in my ever changing life, it is one of the few places where I feel grounded and definite in my worth.

People around me always say, keep away from falling in love with the idea of falling in love. True. But easier said than done. When you have experienced what true love is, when you have felt the warmth of real compassion, when you have enjoyed the beauty and growth of true companionship, it is hard not to try to find it again. When you know you have so much love to give, when you feel you have so much to offer, it is difficult to contain it within you. You must give it away, allow somebody to feel that love you have, let them experience and bask in the glory of knowing that no matter what happens, somebody will always be there to have their backs, that they will always have someone to count on.

But life is not always kind. Or more properly, love is not always kind.

I have tried to bare myself to people continuously, repeatedly, but to no avail. I didn’t realize that love unspent is just as difficult as love spent and lost. The overflowing of emotions pent up inside without any other person to whom it is directed leaks like water under the tub. It slowly trickles and empties away. I am afraid that when the day comes, when the right one arrives, I’d be empty inside, drained by the years (or weeks) of fruitless love.

That is why I need to return home. Again. I need to recharge. I need strength. I need to reconnect to that place where I can be alone, to think, in peace. I need that solace, that sanctuary to set my life in order, so when I return, I return with new and renewed conviction. Ready to face life once more.

Until that time when I shall need to, again, come home.

Argh

Sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I just feel it is not possible to be turned down twice by two different persons in succession. This is so new I even think it's surreal. How can it freakin be when I have always known my worth? Argh. Life is unfair just as it is complicated.

TOP 5% ako sa 2007 Bar Exams!!!

Yep!!! I'm among the 200+ bar passers who got a grade higher than 75%!!!

YEY!!! ;p

Lost and found

A new acquaintance said just now, “alam mo you're a catch… kaya dapat hindi ikaw ang naghahanap… ikaw dapat ang naghihintay na mahanap…” And almost as instantly, it hit me. He’s right. Why do I keep on running after these people who seem to be so anxious about getting away? Why do I think I should exert all effort to get close to any of them? Have I really lost my sense of self that I felt the need to please others rather than be pleased?

Well, not anymore. I just found myself again. And as all my exes said, I’m a catch. I won’t dare forget it again.

And neither should they.

Hopes

jeez. im so not freakin cut out for this. this freakin new world i've been trying to get into (not the legal profession, mind you, hehe) is so much more than i can handle. one moment, it feels like heaven; the next feels like shit. jealousy rules the world, and non-commitment permeates the players. argh. what have i ever done to deserve this? from one failed attempt to the next, i feel like i'm losing sanity and stability. i wonder what will happen if i quit altogether. i wonder what will become of me if i revert to my old life. will it be simpler and happier? or is staying and pushing forward the only way to go? hay. life. its complexity is infinitely more than i can even try to understand. i just hope i survive. i just hope i see the light soon. i just hope.

Pumps pumps

Today was not a very good work out day. I arrived at the gym with shock for I have never seen such a number of people working out in that gym all at the same time. As a result, I had very limited space to move around in which translated into poor work out. I never even got to finish my routine because it pissed me off to share such a small number of equipment with that much people. Argh. Problem is, I can't return tomorrow, oath taking. So, I still have to wait for Wednesday before I can flex my newly formed muscles again. Hay.

The only good thing in the gym tonight was the presence of beautiful people who I have never seen before. At least, my eyes pumped some iron. Hehe.. ;p

Muscle pains

Last night, I've been raving about how cool it was to return to the gym. Now, I've been stuck at home the whole day nursing muscle pains. Argh. I can't even stretch my arms; it is as if they were frozen at a 90 degree angle permanently. The trite saying "no pain, no gain" definitely has taken on a new meaning for me. Naman!

Good thing I found new friends. Sana may matuloy, hehe.. ;p

Injustice

Why do some people's blogs have millions and millions of comments, and others don't?

The injustice of it all.

Pumps

Finally, after what seemed like forever, i hit the gym once more, burned some calories and pumped some iron. I've forgotten how exhilarating it is after one session of continuous sweating and lifting. Whew. Not to mention the fact that I know I'll be in tip top shape again in a few weeks time. Nice. Now, I can look at my physique again without wanting to look away.

And that just made my freakin' day! ;p

Random rubbish

and so, i'm back here. again. where everything started. where everything eventually ends. i stare at my laptop, wondering, bemused, amazed on how things unravel at a time i least expect. i wonder, is this really a part of a major plan? a part of a time space continuum that uncoils by itself no matter what i do? have i a major part in this or am i merely a pawn in a game of chance? 

i have often wondered how amazing it is that one good thing hooks up with another as i live my life. after bouts of heavy rainfall, i always seem to see the sun striking its light before the cleansed creation. now, i see it again. it has to happen. i had to go. so i can be elsewhere. so i can prepare myself for that which is meant for me. i just needed that jolt. so i can wake up. so i can act. so i may fulfill that which has been foretold. 

i can. i should. i must.

i will.

Something's afoot 2

I resigned.

Cool huh? Hehe.. ;p

Something's afoot

In the words of Ker, something's afoot. Something world altering is about to happen to me. I just need permission from the most important persons in my life to push through with it. Once I have it, my world as I know it now will change. The logical end of my wails two months ago will ensue, and I will, once more, pursue a life I want lived.

And nothing will stop me. The pursuit of knowledge weighs infinitely more than just becoming a lowly surrogate, that's for sure. 

There will be no more pretensions. Stand by.

still there?

it's the longest week i've had without word from you. i know i should move on. and i'm doing so. it's just that, sometimes, things remind me of you, and i get a hard time letting go.

you still there?

Time

That's it then, out with the old, in with the new.

Time to get excited again.

And get others to be excited again.

Today was asshole day

Unfortunately, it was not me.

From that bitchy prosecutor in that rundown building to that asshole driver in that pest-infested cab, I felt like wringing anyone's neck in my own hands and squeezing the life out of it. Argh. 

Evil.

Busy de tode

Pasig City Hall in the morning. Mandaluyong Prosecutor's Office in the afternoon. Lit meeting in the evening. Tsk tsk. Busy de tode.

Just Mistakes

You have no idea how much it hurt. But thank you still for making me feel it, right here, right now. Thank you for breaking the fall while you still can. Thank you for letting me go, while we both still can.

I don't doubt that we evaded what could be great sadness. I only wish we experienced joy first. I'm happy you could nurse your broken heart now. I just would have been happier if you let me help. But nonetheless, I still thank you.

You may have thought I was someone, and you're not. But the truth is, I always thought that you're someone I could never have.

Don't worry about me. Don't cry for me. I am strong, I will overcome. Look to your heart instead, and heal what is broken.

So you can love. And then be loved. Again.

Good luck.

Tough Day

I just spent almost six hours out of the office. Most of those time were spent on the jam packed roads of the greater Manila area, specifically, Valenzuela City. Susme. Kapoy!

The only thought that kept me going was that I'm going home the moment I arrived at the office. All other pleadings, I will just finish next week. I was so looking forward to changing clothes and eating out with Ker in one of those restaurants listed in his Philippine Tatler compilation.

But lo and behold, just a minute or two before I pick up my laptop to head home, one partner came from out of nowhere and announced, "Wag muna kayo uuwi ha, may emergency meeting tayo." Sheesh. But since it was directed only to the associates of the corp division of the firm, I said, "Kayo lang naman yun di ba? Nako, uuwi nako."

But then, yeah, you guessed it. Less than a minute after, the partner came out again and said kasama raw ako. Naman! Tough luck.

If only I didn't drop by the corp division to chat. If only I left three minutes earlier. If only.

Waaaa!!!

Kwento

Ewan. Yan lagi ang sagot nya sa chat sa bawat tanong ko sa nararamdaman nya sa'kin. Sabay bawi ng hehe sa dulo na para bang umo-oo pero ayaw nyang ipaalam. Kilig naman ako. Parang lumalapit na ang araw na maririnig ko ang matamis nyang oo, na walang pagkukubli, na walang pasubali.

Nang una kaming nagkita, matagal akong naghintay. Dun sa Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf sa may Paseo de Roxas, mahinahon kong binasa nang buo ang Philippine Star habang pigil na pigil ang aking paghinga. Kasi naman, baka dumating sya e ma-turn off sa lumuluwal kong tyan. Ilang buwan na kasi nang huli akong nag-gym. Tumigil ako dahil malapit na nun yung Bar Exams, grabe na ang pressure ng pag-aaral. Kesa naman ang pagmememorya ang isakripisyo ko, di bale nang tumaba nang kaunti, makapaghanda lamang dun sa isang buwang eksamen. Kaya ayun, nung gabing inaabangan ko ang kanyang pagdating, pilit kong itina-tuck in ang tyan ko, sayang naman ang first impression.

Dumating syang huli ng ilang minuto. Mga 40 minutes ata. Nagsabi naman syang nagkaroon sila ng biglaang pagpupulong. Kaya lang, naglalakad nako sa Paseo nung matanggap ko yung mga text message nya kaya nauna pa rin ako. Kaya ayun, nagulat na lang ako nung may biglang tumapik sa likod ko sabay sabi ng "hoy." Paglingon ko, ayun sya, nakatitig sakin, parang tinatantya kung sino at ano ako. Naisip ko kaagad, sana nga maging kami, masarap siguro syang alagaan.

Tumagal kami ng ilang oras sa coffee shop na yun, kwentuhan lang. Nakakamiss.

Matagal-tagal din kaming nagkulitan pagkatapos nun. Minsan sa tawagan sa cellphone, minsan sa chat. Dati nga di halos kami pareho makapagtrabaho kasi wala kaming inintindi sa maghapon kundi ang pagcha-chat namin. Nakatutuwa kasi syang kausap eh. Laging may hehe at haha sa dulo ng pangungusap. Hindi boring. 

Nakakamiss.

Hanggang sa ayun, nangyari na nga yung nangyari. Hindi na kami nagkibuan. Hindi na nya sinasagot ang mga tawag ko, kahit text at chat. Para bang parang bula syang nawala sa buhay ko. Wala rin ngang pagpapaliwanag kung hindi ko pa sya pinadalahan ng pm sa multiply. 

Nakakalungkot. Nakakamiss.

Magulo kasi yung gabing yun. Di ko alam kung anong nangyari. Basta ang natatandaan ko, naramdaman ko na lang na naiinis na sya sa'kin dahil dun sa mga sagot nya sa text ko. Para raw ako yung ex nya. Ginawa ko raw yung mga masasamang ginawa sa kanya nun. Nagulat naman ako. Di ko lubos maisip kung ano yung pinaparatang nya. Tinanong ko sya. Di nya sinagot. Sabi nya, please patulugin mo ako. Para bang sinasabi nyang tantanan ko na sya. Pakiramdam ko tuloy isa akong kriminal na may ginawang masama sa kanya nung gabing yun.

Hindi ako nakatulog. Para bang nakulong ako na hindi man lang dumaan sa paglilitis. Guilty na kaagad. Walang tanong-tanong. Walang pali-paliwanag.

Pero mas masakit nung dumating ang umaga. Kulang na lang sabihin nyang wala akong kasalanan pero iiwanan pa rin nya ako. For our sake raw. Bukod dito, sinabi rin nya na di pa rin daw nya malimutan ang ex nya. At makaka-move on lang daw sya pagnakaalis na sa Pilipinas yung tao. Sa June.

Parang gumuho ang mundo ko. Tumigil ang pag-ikot at dahan-dahang nalihis sa orbit nito. Gusto ko syang tanungin, wala ka na bang nararamdaman para sakin? Pero natakot ako. Hindi ko itinanong. Natakot ako sa mga pwede nyang maging sagot. Natakot ako na baka ngayon, matapos ang lahat, ang ewan ay hindi na oo. Na baka wala nang hehe na babawi sa dulo ng kanyang pangungusap.

Kaya hinahanap-hanap ko sya hanggang ngayon. Kaya isinusulat ko ito ngayon.

Nakakamiss.

Sana bumalik ka.

Tired

Work can be a b*tch sometimes. It gets so tiring that you don't have any time left to do anything else at night. Hell, it can be so mind numbing that you can't even exert physical effort anymore. Couple this with walking from my office building to the Enterprise building to Glorietta to Park Square to SM Makati to Glorietta again and you'll have your feet b*tching at you nonstop. The only consolation you can get is that if you were with someone worth spending time with. But if that person turns out to be one not having a good day himself, well... you do the math. ;p

four days to go

i know i know, i have a million things to do, but this freakin bar exam results keep getting on the way. argh.

Re-post

Thursday, September 20, 2007
question

why do people pin high hopes on getting something* (or someone, for that matter) that they can't have in the first place anyway?

haaay.
Posted by Jeland at 8:49:00 AM


(*i'm not referring to the Bar at all! that i can have! hopefully, heheh.. ;p)

Cheers!

here's to all of us still working today!

ang sisipag nyo! hehehe. ;p

holy crap

i hate it when people, especially catholics, treat the holy week as time for their long awaited vacation. hello! we're supposed to commemorate the passion of Christ, his death and resurrection as the very foundation of our salvation, not to enjoy ourselves bathing under the sunny summer sky! we have the next two or three months to enjoy the sun, but we only have this week to reflect on the meaning of the season.

can we just not go to the beach and do god knows what, and go to a place of prayer and reflect instead? jeez.

skipping heartbeats

my officemate said it was his fearless forecast that the bar results will be out this coming friday.

i nearly dropped dead right in front of him. jeez.

good thing there was a mass in equitable tower. haay.

scared

i just submitted the first freakin counter affidavit that i drafted for the firm, and i'm nervous as hell. "keep it short and simple" has never been one of my strongest points in college and in law school. im afraid that im getting back the paper complete with red marks all over. shoot. there goes my pride. argh. ;p

Outrage

i saw a live video clip of edsa shrine just now. and the freakin police barricaded it? what? seriously? on the day of the celebration of EDSA I's anniversary, the shrine has been cut off from the people that made it historical? something is wrong in this country. something is definitely wrong.

and we only have to look at the leadership to know what.

Garapalan

she said she came to know about it only the night before she left for china and for the sake of diplomatic relations, she signed it anyway. oh come on. Who buys this crap? Doesn't she mean she knew about it because of her unconscionable kickbacks and that she cancelled it because she was caught red handed with her hands in the cookie jar? get real, man.

now, it's her armed minions' turn to close the lid through a press con. as if anything they say is credible.

good thing it's the oscars today, at least there's something worthwhile to watch.

Now

since im not doing anything yet, and since im half bored to death, i figured, why not just watch dirty sexy money? so i did.

i mean, i still am. now. hehehe.. ;p

Tonight

some of my old college blockmates and i are meeting up for dinner tonight. and even if we're dining out in a place i can barely afford (titit!!! grrr...), i still am actually excited to be there. it's been ages since we all sat down, enjoyed food, and talked our hearts away. i just hope this night will be as enjoyable as i think it'll be. see you later guys! ;p

Days

How long has it been since I first visited Makati as a law student? That time when I looked at this city with a sense of awe, like a mountain whose grandeur I am challenged to conquer. How long ago has it been since I was being constantly lost in the labyrinthine design of Glorietta? That time when, eating for the first time at TGI Fridays with my brother, I didn’t even know how to appreciate food the way all of us should.

Everything then was just part of a large whirling world where particulars dissolved into the bigger haze of the wider picture.

But not anymore.

Many things have already changed. Many events have already taken place. Major experiences have shaped the person I am now. Minor ones have defined who I have always been. Indeed, this is a time when, looking back at my lost youth, I appreciate the beauty before me, keeping in mind the wonder I have always had the first time I beheld them. Yes, I have matured. But I have never forgotten.

Not yet, at least.

More and more each day, as that clock ticks my life away, as I ask the questions of how long it has been, I am moving into the realm of adulthood where slowly, subtly, I leave that era of my life where everything is as carefree as birds in the wild. This time, that adorable innocence is being replaced by the fierce convalescence of a long dormant falcon in me. As I get ready to soar in this world, I leave behind the nest that was home for many of my childhood memories, that nest that will inevitably succumb to the powers of the wind, and then will eventually disappear. And be gone. Forever.

I am afraid of that day. I am scared of losing ground in this groundless world. I am frightened of that time when I will no longer ask, for I can no longer remember to ask, how long it has been since I first visited Makati, since I first experienced the wonders of a new city, the grandeur of an unknown mountain, and the innocence of a long forgotten youth.

I am afraid of that day…

…a day that will surely come.

that feeling

it's here again, that feeling that crushes my heart in every way possible, that excruciating heaviness of the body, that feeling that i wish would never last. i'm hurting again, i feel betrayed again, insulted even. it's that familiar feeling i feel when persons i'm in relationship with experience jealousy in the presence of exes. it's that sad feeling of not being trusted. and it crushes my heart, more so now than before. im surprised it gets me this easily this fast. i suppose it's because my birthday's just passed. i suppose it's because of my disposition upon knowing it. i dont know for sure. at least not as sure as the fact that i'm sad. really sad. and betrayed. and insulted. and i'm being threatened to give up. and move on. sad.

around the metro, again

walked around makati today. again. and as always, i was tired as hell, dehydrated and dizzy after three long hours of bodily movement (and this coming from someone still recovering from the holiday disease that brings about excessive fat storage in all parts of the body, especially the tummy area, haaay).

unlike the last three weeks of doing the same thing however, two things changed: one, this time, i was with a friend while painfully strolling around the metro (which actually made the endeavor less burdensome); and two, i got a call just an hour after i arrived back at the house (and an interview was set for 1pm tomorrow, or rather, today).

sadly though, only two outcomes immediately propped up in my mind: (1) either they'd offer me a job but with unacceptably low compensation package or (2) i won't get the job at all. regrettably, it never even occurred to me that a third option can actually be available, that is, that they'd offer me a job with competitive rates.

haaay, what is wrong with me? have i been so disillusioned that i am now incapable of even conjuring a good result from my tiring effort today? have i lost that much faith in me that i didn't even conceive of achieving what i pray for?

really, these past few weeks have been a test for many of my preconceived notions about myself and my capabilities. many images i have of myself have been repeatedly shattered and decomposed to the point that i might have lost a sense of who i am.

is it wrong for me to think that the only salvation lies in me finding that perfect job with the perfect pay on that perfectly posh office? or should i see salvation as i have always seen it, i.e., one that springs out of the truly good no matter where it is or who it is from?

for my sake, i hope it is the latter. i really hope so.

back

well, i guess i'm back.

i just hope it'll be better this time.

down low

it's back. that sadness, that feeling of dread when i'm here in manila. i wish i could just stay back home, where i am most wanted, and appreciated, and alive. i wish i could escape the inevitable truth and carry on living my wonderful life with that new someone. i wish i could be free, from the shackles of expectations, and of the world. i wish i could be whole.

defeat

always, when i feel down and low, i return to blogger. where i can be my own self, without embellishment, without regrets. always i turn to the power of words, to channel my feelings, and unload the burden, of being sad, defeated. always it has borne witness to my wails, in school, in love, in life. it has documented who i am, how i am, and perhaps, how i will always be.

and now, i write again. in here. allowing this space, once more, to record who i am, to remind me of what i am, and how i have always conquered. layers and layers of myself i have bared, and layers and layers left to be bared. i am me. here. now. but sad, with sorrow, defeated. humbled and sad.

i long for that escape. i yearn for that call.

and it may never come.

defeat.

difference

millions out there experience the same thing.

why should i be any different?

state of suspension

it's raining, drops of water from the sky nourishing the thirsty from underneath. i wish it could reach me, way inside the four corners of this room.

where i wait.

and wait.

and wait.

puso ng saging

hahaha! total laugh trip!

on commuting

i absolutely abhor public transport in this freaking country. i so hate it.

from the mrt to the two lrt lines, to the bloody jeepneys and buses, i curse them and all the sweaty and stinking people riding in them.

argh.

p.s.: apologies to all, i just had a really really REALLY horrible experience commuting yesterday. ;p

home

in a few hours, i'd be heading back to my hometown. after many many monhts, i'd be spending time again in the place where i grew up, in that place that first taught me the things that i need to learn in life. it's amazing how i miss my home; how, now that i think about it, i miss the chirping of the birds every morning that i wake up; how i miss the soothing rays of the early morning sun as they peek through my window in the room that i have always considered mine. yes, i'm heading back. i'm returning not only to the place that will always occupy a part of my heart, but also to the childhood memories that i have always always cherished.

i'm coming home.

i'm coming home.

bar review withdrawal syndrome

it's 10:15 am and i'm not cursing myself for not studying this past few hours.

weird.

twisted

it's weird not having to talk about school stuff and exams. after four and a half years of ranting about nothing except how difficult law school is, how class recitation sucks out your soul, how midterm and final exams are the professors' way of kicking you in the ass, the fact that i have none of those forthcoming makes my world surreal. aside from the fact that i have been having bar review withdrawal syndrome, i seem to have lost the stress level i associate to this time of the year. don't get me wrong, i mean, i am all elated that i have nothing else to worry about, but somehow, somewhere in the deep confines of my consciousness, i may have been seriously craving for the stress and the adrenaline rush that almost always accompanies it. it's like i continuously curse this right of passage, as it were, but secretly, i'm actually addicted to it.

whew, talk about weird addictions.

talk about twisted.

tsk tsk

what is your profession?

few hours ago, ker complained that he still needs a whole lot of studying to do for the day.

i gasped, turned my head in shock, and slowly murmured, "ker, tapos na ako."

tears started to well up in my eyes. it finally hit home: the bar is over. i am free.

for frenchies

aba aba aba, i'd like to see some french guy "try" to kick this batangueno's ass. Then he'll know why batanguenos are called war freaks. no no my dear, not when this particular batangueno just took the bar. good luck to you. ;p

just another senseless blog entry

just a quick post before i head off to starbucks 6750 to do my last minute preparations for the last sunday of the torture that is the bar.

at long last, after almost half a year of putting my whole life on hold, i am finally nearing the end of the tunnel. i can almost feel the shackles of my study chair--in my room where i fermented for the most time these past few weeks--going off. i can almost hear that familiar sound of the key turning and the lock losing its grip on me, on my life. after this sunday, i'd be ready to face all that which i neglected, all that which i let pass me through, all debts left unpaid. which is the same thing as saying, all those who helped me, get ready for my own brand of reward. all those who crossed me, beware, i'm up for vengeance! hehehe... joke of course.

but then again, as they say, jokes are half meant. haahaha... ;p

oh well, this is just another senseless blog entry. i'm off to starbucks then. ;p

question

why do people pin high hopes on getting something (or someone, for that matter) that they can't have in the first place anyway?

haaay.

one liners

my fave one liner from this post:

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

hehehe... ;p

Harry Potter - Ateneo Style!

(Got this from mikabelle. Bless her! ;p)

Chapter One: Before The Storm

Fr. Bienvenido Nebres SJ was just finishing the day's work when Harry Potter, a senior of the Ateneo de Manila, burst into his office.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry shouted

"Harry!" a surprised Nebres said. "I thought you were out of school destroying the horcruxes to kill Lord Voldemort."

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I discovered that there are two horcruxes here in Ateneo itself. Voldemort has enlisted the help of the De La Salle University and the University of Santo Tomas. They are coming."

"Don't worry, Harry." Nebres said "You know for a fact that Ateneo-- its teachers and students -- are more than capable of defending our Loyola campus. We will hold them off while you search for the horcruxes and destroy them. You will need this." He waved of his wand and out of the air appeared a sword. "The sword of St. Ignatius." Nebres said. "Powerful enough to destroy the two horcruxes."

"Thank you, Father" Harry said. And with that, he sped off to find the last two things which protect Lord Voldemort.

Nebres then waved his wand once more and this time, four people appeared in his office. "Marlu, Rudy, Toby and Joey. The school is in danger"

Nebres then explained the situation to the four Deans of the Ateneo de Manila University.

"I want you to assemble all remaining students in the college covered courts. We must evacuate the freshmen through Marikina. The sophomore, junior and senior students may stay and fight if they want to. Next, I need you to assemble all the teachers, both part time and full time."

Without a word, the four deans Disapparated and went on with their tasks. Nebres too Disapparated back to the Jesuit Residence and briefed the Society about the impending attack.

Fr. Adolfo Dacanay was the assigned to lead the Jesuits to battle "My team is ready to fight anytime anywhere. We will crush them!"

"Excellent." Nebres said

After a few minutes, Nebres, the four Deans and some members of the faculty and administration gathered in Xavier Hall to discuss the battle plan.

"The School of Humanities can summon mythical creatures to help defend us." Marlu Vilches said "The English Department professors are summoning creatures from Dante's Inferno and Greek Mythology as we speak. The Filipino Department is summoning all the manananggals and white ladies from the haunted trees on campus"

"The Philosophy Department" interjected Fr. Ferriols "is summoning creatures from Meron pond right now. Those rascals will soon feel the wrath of Meron! Magiging WALA silang lahat! Konsepto lamang sila!"

"Now is the time to test the newest chemicals and inventions from our SEC laboratories. " Toby Dayrit said, "The Department of Environmental Science professors are enchanting the trees to life right now. We will purge them with the help of Mother Nature."

"I have just received a call from MVP" Rudy Ang said "Reinforcements from Makati are coming soon."

"My apples and sunshine are ready to fight as well" Tim Gabuna said. "Go CERSA!"

"I have just finished briefing my school. The Department of History is ready to fight. The Western history professors led by Dave Lozada and JoEd Tirol are summoning the three hundred Spartans and soldiers from the World War II to fight. Fr Bulatao and the Department of Psychology are locked inside the SocSci Conference room right now. They will use their psychic powers to toy with our enemy's mind."

"I have roused the athletes also." Norman Black beside Ricky Palou said. "They are ready to put up One Big Fight with their super strength."

A voice interrupted them. "I KNOW YOU ARE PREPARING TO FIGHT! You are no match for us! I have allied myself with the La Salle brothers and the Dominicans of UST. You cannot win against me, Jesuits. Push the limit! Animo Spirit! Give us Harry Potter and the sword of St. Ignatius and we will let you live! We will even let you win some of the games."


Chapter Two: More Help

The Ateneans ignored the warning and instead began to prepare for the impending battle. A few minutes later, the voice shouted for a second time:

"I can see you are not listening! It is such a pity. What happened to your Prayer for Generosity? Give me Harry Potter and the Sword of St Ignatius. Give without counting the cost, you always say! You have until midnight. I also call on all students of La Salle Greenhills and La Salle Zobel. It is not too late. Come and join us. Convert! Repent!"

Fr. Dacanay, interrupting his briefing with his exorcists turned and said "The idiot is taking the prayer out of context. Besides, St Ignatius also said to fight without fear of being wounded. And we will do just that."

Three figures -- two women and a man -- suddenly appeared. "We are from the Department of Sociology and Anthropology" said the man.

"Ricky Abad!" Fr. Nebres exclaimed.

"I brought with me our Department Chair Bopeep Saloma-Akpedonu. And this is Czarina Medina, one of our newest lecturers. We apologize for being late. We were preparing our I-bombs."

"I-bombs? What are I-bombs?" Nebres asked.

"Ideology bombs. Once they detonate, they will spread false consciousness in the area -- the La Salle brothers and the Tomasians will think they are winning. It is all false really. We will use their pride against them."

"Excellent. Excellent." Nebres said. "And here comes Andrew Ty and Mark Escaler for the Department of Communication. "

"Yes!" Escaler said "we will infiltrate their communication processes by adding "noise" and ambiguity between the message relay of the sender and the receiver so orders can be reversed and thwarted!"

"The creatures from my horror films are coming!" Andrew Ty said. "We will use them to our advantage!"

"Father President! Some people are coming!" somebody shouted.

Some five hundred people then Apparated out of nowhere. Wearing either red or white shirts, they marched towards Nebres. A young man then stepped forward.

"We are from the University of the Philippines. " said the young man. "For years, our academic communities have built a strong relationship with each other. We have shared professors. We went to rallies together. We have had our differences. Yes. But in the end, our similarities and accomplishments outweigh our differences. .. We are here to help! We are honored to fight with Ateneo once more!"

Cheers and applause errupted from all sides.

"Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baba from the hill" the Ateneans cheered

Five minutes to midnight.

The School of Humanities stood with their mythical creatures summoned from the Classics, and the haunted trees and the gigantic swamp creatues from the Meron pond.

The John Gokongwei School of Management with their reinforcements from Makati, along with Venus Ibarra, Ricky Pilar and other professors.

The School of Science and Engineering with their mysterious inventions and weapons. The gigantic trees in the campus now walking sluggishly by their side.

The School of Social Sciences with their unique yet powerful defensive weapons; the Psychology Department ready for the psy-war.

The Ateneo Professional Schools ready to defend their Loyola-based counterparts; the two fraternities in the Law School forging a temporary alliance.

The Alumni, the D.A. (Dalandan's Army), led by Benjie Laza and Mon Cualoping.

The statues of Tomas More, Horacio dela Costa, the Blue Eagle come to life.

The students from U.P.

Two horcruxes left.

Now all is still, where Loyola's colors fly.


Chapter Three: One Big Fight

Midnight.

There was a burst of light emanating from the sky, brighter than the moon and the stars. What seemed like a horde of fireflies turned out to be arrows. Thousands of arrows. Tips on fire.

The arrows struck the Blue Eagle Gym. The oldest building in the University. The symbol of their athletic pride. Now aflame.

Toby Dayrit tossed a beaker of water to the burning building. He pointed his wand at the beaker now mid-air and shouted his spell "Magis." The water transformed into a surf huge enough to douse the fire. The Blue Eagle Gym was safe.

The archers outside roared their disappointment. But they shot again, this time targeting the Erenchun soccer field where some of the Ateneans were camped. Nebres pointed his wand at the arrows raining from the sky and shouted his incantation "Cura personalis" and the thousand arrows turned into bubbles.

The Ateneans cheered. The first two attacks of the LaSallians and the Tomasians have been thwarted.

"You have had your fun, Ateneans." a voice boomed. "Now it is time to get serious."

Darkness suddenly enveloped the University. The enemy had sabotaged their electricity. Immediately all the Ateneans took out and flickered their wands, "Lux in Domino" they chanted. Light emanated from all the wands.

The illumination came just in time as suddenly a stampede crushed the fences between Gate 2 and Gate 2.5. The Ateneans have realized the magnitude of their danger: it was not just the LaSallians or even just the Tomasians they were confronting; the other schools were there as well. A thousand green archers were riding the backs of the giant tigers of UST. Charging with them were the giant tamaraws and a hundred warriors whose bodies were painted red war paint. Above, falcons were soaring in the sky.

"YOU FOUL THINGS, noh?" somebody from the Ateneo crowd shouted, charging at the stampede; it was Tessa Rosana "How dare you attack us, noh? You don't know who you are dealing with, noh? TAKE THIS, noh?" She hit her gong with all her might. A powerful sound wave spread throughout the area knocking a hundred archers and animals out.

"Haha anoh?" she triumphantly yelled.

And so the other Ateneans started counterattacking as well. David Lozada and his 300 Spartans. The ROTC cadets. The mythical creatures of the School of Humanities. Dalandan's Army.

Ricky Abad and the Department of Sociology soon deployed their Ideology Bombs prompting some of the LaSallians to cheer instead of fighting. They cheered, "strawberry shortcake nananananana. " instead of "Recticano! Recticano". This allowed some of the Ateneans to easily knock the LaSallians out.

Somewhere near the Covered Courts, Norman Black was briefing his team, "Nonoy. I want you here. Chris, here. Jai, there. Alright? Any questions."

"Aaaaah! GOD DAMN IT!" a raspy voice screamed. It was Joe Lipa, former coach of the Blue Eagles, who arrived with the contingent from UP. "Just charge! Attack them! Now!" And so they did.

The LaSalle brothers and Francisco of UST were outside, watching the battle, waiting for their turn to strike.

A handful of LaSallians were found trotting back to their base.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Francisco yelled.

"You told us to retreat!" the archer said.

"You idiot! That's just Escaler and Bulatao toying with your minds! Go back! That's it! I am joining the battle!"

She then stepped forward lifted her two arms and shouted "Tiger Power! Raar! Tiger Power! Raar!" The LaSalle brothers thought she had lost her mind. But then she suddenly transformed into a giant tigress, twice larger and fiercer than the ordinary tigers. Seeing their comrade ready and willing to fight, the LaSallians cheered.

"HOY!" Goldie the Tiger roared "NO CHEERING DURING BATTLE! NO CHEERING!" Then she advanced.

Her first target was Fr. Dacanay who was busy exorcising some of the archers and paralyzing them.

"FATHER! Behind you!"

Quickly, Dacanay whirled and performed his own counterattack "Expellus Inferius" blasting her into the middle of the Erenchun field, knocking her out.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! " The La Salle brothers shouted upon seeing their comrade down. "It is time we even the score."

The earth began to quake. And out of the night came a gigantic robot. It was DLRT; the LaSallians had transformed and brought the LRT-1 which passed Taft Avenue into a robot.

DLRT was making quick work of the Ateneans and their creatures-- crushing the mythical creatures here and there, tossing the trees brought to life by the Department of Environmental Science.

"Let us not lose hope!" Nebres said. "We are after all committed to hope."

"Now is not the time to talk about GK, Father!" somebody said.

"I am not talking about GK. I am talking about SECtor."

He pointed his wand the Science Education Complex. The building shook and assembled itself into a robot. SEC A was the head and the torso. SEC B became the left arm and leg and SEC-C became the right.

"Mang Freddie!" Nebres called.

"I am ready, Father!" shouted Freddie the man in charge of Escaler Hall which has now become the control room SECtor.

"Attack, Freddie! One Big Fight."

DLRT was no match and quickly collapsed under the strength of SECtor.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry Potter appeared. "Two horcruxes have been destroyed!"

"Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!"

There were screams of terror. The LaSalle brothers had entered the battle. They were using their most dangerous spell: The Animo LaSalle � the Killing Curse!


Finale: The Animo Wand

Ateneans were dropping dead left and right. The Animo La Salle curse was unblockable. Some of the more veteran teachers provided extra defense and protection to the students but most of their efforts were futile.

Dacanay and his Jesuit team however managed to stun a few archers.

Victory however seemed far-fetched. Francisco had been revived from the Stunning Spell by Dacanay. Back in human form, she was battling Jai Reyes, Kirk Long and Chris Tiu at the same time. While the players were certainly skillful, Francisco was able to block all spells launched by the Blue Eagles.

Francisco pointed her wand at Chris Tiu and shouted "Animo La Salle!" But the curse missed him by an inch.

"Not Chris Tiu you BIATCH!" somebody shouted; it was Achoot Cuyegkeng. "Out of my way! Out of my way! FRANCISO'S MINE!"

Francisco laughed. " You are no match for me! I am the greatest servant of the Dominicans! What's gonna happen to your Loyola Schools after I kill you?! What's gonna happen to your Blue Eagles after I kill Chrissy?"

"You will never touch any of our students again!!" Cuyegkeng said.

Francisco laughed. And with her unerring skill as jack-of-all- trades professor Cuygekeng sent a Stunning Curse at her opponent. The curse hit her squarely on the chest, knocking her out once more.

"Enough!" Harry shouted. "Voldemort! Where are you? You have been using the LaSallians and the other schools to come after me. Where are you?"

"I am here, Potter." a voice hissed. The voice came from Bro. Armin.

"Brother Armin?"

"No! I am Voldemort! Armin is my past, present and future. See?" he wrote the word Armind then with a flicker of his wand the word became Voldemort.

"I don't get it." Harry said

"Ako rin!" an Atenean said.

"Ha? Can you make ulit?" another one shouted.

"How did Armin became Voldemort?"

"Bai, nalibog na ko!" A Cebuano Atenean shouted.

"Bah! Never mind! Anyone knows the LaSallians can't spell. So anyway, I stunned Armin a few days ago and using his name and face I used the school and all the other schools to come and find you!"

"But you are too late. I destroyed all the horcruxes"

"No, Potter. I win. You see, while I was Bro. Armind. I was able to find the long lost and most powerful wand in the entire world-- the Animo Wand! And you will be its first victim!"

"Are you kidding me, Tom?" Harry said "Don't you get it? The wand chooses the school. The Animo wand does not belong to La Salle! It belongs to the Ateneo."

"No! You are the fool! The LaSallians have been cheering Animo La Salle for such a long time. The LaSallians truly own the wand and since I am a LaSallian for now, I own it. Die Potter die!"

"But you see, Riddle, you did not review University histories. If you did, you would know that the Ateneans used Animo Ateneo first. And they still use it now. There is even a website right now named AnimoAteneo. com. The Ateneans have reclaimed Animo Ateneo!"

Silence.

"So. It comes down to this isn't it?" Harry whispered "Does your wand know that its original owner still values it? If it does, I AM THE TRUE MASTER OF THE ANIMO WAND!"

Voldemort points his wand at Harry who in turn has prepared for the final duel.

"ANIMO LA SALLE!" Voldemort shouted.

"OH! GET. THAT. WAND!" Harry shouted.

The curse rebounded and hit Voldemort instead of Harry who caught the Animo Wand with his other hand. Cheers from the Ateneans and even some La Sallians, who realized that they were duped were all around.

That morning both Ateneo and La Salle forged a cease fire, a temporary one because the next day was the Ateneo-La Salle basketball championship. Francisco who was revived after hours of being stunned by Dacanay and Cuyegkeng decided to lift the "No Cheering!" rule during time out. However, she still flinches whenever Dacanay (or any Jesuit for that matter) would approach her.

There were however, a group of La Sallians who disagreed with having a cease fire. They believed that the death and defeat of Voldemort was unfair so they decided to file a protest. This was later junked due to lack of merit.


Epilogue. Nineteen years later.

It was the day of the ACET.

Harry Potter was accompanying his son Ben.

"Dad! What if I fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Harry looked at his son and said "Bienvenido Adolfo! You were named after two of the most powerful Jesuits in the country. One of them is a good friend of ours. In fact he was the one who officiated our marriage."

"But... but... so what if I DO fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Eh di bobo ka talaga! Harry thought. But he didn't say that. "But we will still love you as our son!" Harry said. "Alright. Your test starts in a few minutes. Make us proud. One Big Fight."

resolve

putting yourself out there is no easy feat. not only do you make yourself vulnerable by laying bare your thoughts and emotions but you also get addicted in exerting effort just so you can think that you deserve a better one this time around. more often than not, many ordinary people experience that great range of ecstatic and depressive feelings before reaching that well deserved equilibrium. for some, it's easy. for others, not so much. but whoever one is, whatever character he/she has, one thing remains the same--all present and prospective connection between people requires nothing short of arduous work. it's a conscious, or unconscious, decision all throughout.

that's why, for me, there is hard truth to the cliche, slowly but surely. just take your time each day and you will see things eventually spread themselves out before you. and before long, you'd be on your way on defeating that difficult feat and achieving that great balance.

i believe in this, i truly do.

i just hope i know how to follow it.

bits before bar

it is this stomach-churning nervousness that i find so difficult to deal with this few hours before the next exam. it affects me to the point of paralyzing my every faculty rendering me virtually useless and unproductive. how i regret having to lose those precious moments that should have been dedicated to last minute reviews and educated discussion.

argh.

ode to old friends

the increasing pressure of the upcoming bar examinations led me, not unexpectedly, to the comforts of the world wide web, where, in the course of my surfing, i chanced upon sites of old friends. how long ago has it been since i marched up the stage to receive my grade school diploma? how young was i when i started enjoying the company of some of my earliest friends? indeed, i have travelled the long road and the path i made from that time has long since disappeared. yet, until now, twelve years and three more graduation ceremonies after, i still remember my earliest days. i still see my teachers trying to imbue upon me and my classmates not only the basics of education upon which i will build my whole life but also the fundamental values that i have carried on as an adult and a member of the world. until now, i could never forget how we were moulded into becoming the best that we can be.

now, more than ever, in light of the looming bar examinations, i turn back to those memories to give me strength not only to carry me through the next month but also to, once more, usher me unto the next level of my life.

thank you, my old friends.

longing to travel

my heart yearns to travel, to see the world, to explore new frontiers other than my own. i'd like to be in places i have never been and gather new perspective on things. i want to test how far i will go in responding to challenges, to people, to countries. i long for the outdoor, outside the strict confines of my room, or of my favorite starbucks coffee in 6750. i feel the tug of other streets, outside the philippines, of avenues worth riding on by, of restaurants worth eating in. i want to see the world. and my heart just explodes for a grasp of that experience, of that wonderful experience.

oh, when will i ever have the strength to leave my comfort zones and brave the unknown?

soon.

coping

the thing about me these days is that i have a terrible way of coping with the bar. no, i don't talk on my own during those awkward moments when no words need be spoken. and no, i don't disappear from the face of the earth for a time to unwind my cerebral muscles. the thing is, to cope with the stress, i unashamedly lash out on people around me. yes, i shout at the top of my lungs with the slightest provocation from anyone. like an infuriated debater, i am quick to say shut up to anyone who has any problem whatsoever to whatever it is that i think. most of the times, i think i am the master of the universe and no one, absolutely no one, is permitted to contradict me. which of course inevitably results to a quick fight with anyone stupid enough to stay out of my way.

argh, what the heck am i doing?

the internet is for

the funny thing about not having an internet connection for a while is that i terribly miss it. while it's there, i'd get bored visiting the same old sites i go to (multiply, friendster, gmail, and the occasional blogs), yet, once i lose it (the connection), it's as if i were totally detached from the civilized world--thank goodness for my mobile phone, for it more or less covers that sense of solitude i normally feel not having to see my favorite, though dull, i must add, sites. anyway, so the few weeks that i've been out of the loop so to speak really made me crave for the internet. but lo and behold, true to my form, after a couple of hours doodling around, i am now, again, bored as hell.

tsk tsk.

i suppose this is a manifestation of an internal system far more complex than just becoming bored. am i, in all my eccentricities, just the same as anybody else? wanting that which isn't there? craving, not just for the unknown, but for the known no matter how sure i am of the momentary pleasure that it brings?

in the same vein, if i am like this, and so is everyone else, does it mean that everything around us is just another side of the same evil crystal ball? i mean, is gloria's fervent desire to stay in power just the same as my craving for the internet? is the fact that she knows that she can wield the sword of the executive only for so long equivalent to my yearning for the information superhighway?

i hope not. for if it is, nothing can be more satisfying than fighting the battle against her. a thief wouldn't want another thief in power, right?

for my sake, i hope not.

songs

ker, my roommate, downloaded these amazing songs sung by the Philippine Madrigal Singers. they were fantastic. it's as if i was hearing them sing in concert everytime i listen to their music. they nudge a part of the soul that just rejoices with them as they rise and fall in the journey of the song. anyway, i can't get enough of them that i am now seriously contemplating getting myself a copy of whatever album they have, which to my standards is quite on a different level because i rarely buy original cds (why buy if i can download, right? hehehehe...). so now, that makes my shopping list of cds to two: my ever favorite bossa nova music, and yes, as i've mentioned the Philippine Madrigal Singers album. i just hope i get the time to do my shopping, that is, amidst my studying, gym and, well yeah, starbucks. haaay... ;p

last night

nothing beats a night with friends.

and booze, of course. ;p

today

so, i went to starbucks 6750 today to do some serious studying. i find the place soothing and very conducive for my bar review especially so since the mezzanine on which i stay affords a temperate sense of seclusion which to my liking is just enough--not too isolated nor too frequented by many. and since the place sets my mood, i was able to cover a great deal of topics regarding mercantile law, particularly the banking laws.

but, true to the law of diminishing returns, after some hours, my mind began wandering on different things which led to a slow down on the retention rate which eventually led to this:







yes, picture taking. alas, the serious law student silently reading at the corner became some kind of a tourist busily taking pictures of whatever, haha...

anyway, while all these were going on, it rained, and understandably, the room temperature dropped to some degrees, which, owing to the skimpy shirt i was wearing, caused me some inconvenience. and so, ever impulsive as i am, i decided to have a break, head for the mall, and voila, buy myself some jacket. hahaha... at first, i was looking for a more formal jacket which i can wear over my business attire. but thinking about it, as it is still a few months before i begin wearing those long sleeves again, i thought it better to buy some good looking, trendy, and rugged jacket.

and so, i headed off to my favorite store: oxygen. i love their shirts. given a chance to choose, i'd always go for oxygen. it is the designs and it is also the fit. always do i receive complements from people i am with when i am wearing its shirts. and it has never failed. so i love it. anyway, i fell in love with their jacket. as it turns out, it is one desigend by pepsi herrera for oxygen, which made nothing but reinforce my desire to take it home. and i did. hehe, good thing i had some sideline last week, oh thank goodness for elections, hahahaha... anyway, here are some pictures of the jacket. i'll try to post some more when i'm wearing it na... ;p

healthier

you think? ;p

what's up there?

dunno... ;p