Fontana

On my way to Fontana for the first time an hour from now. Unfortunately, not to have fun, but to work. And not for the whole weekend, but until tomorrow only. Nonetheless, I'm excited. If only I weren't feeling sick today. If only I haven't taken in too much drugs for my age today. If only I weren't heading off to Batangas on Friday. Hayz. Some things just couldn't be perfect. But hey, who's complaining? I'm getting paid anyway, right? Right.

Anyway, partying is just a couple of nights away. I think I could suck it up 'til then. Hehe ;p

Not Now

So I find myself staring at my laptop once more. The plans of working today has gone down the drain because the unplanned drinking of last night left me weak and downright unproductive. As usual. Hmm, this is slowly becoming a weekly routine. I dunno if I should be glad or alarmed. But since I'm still liking it, perhaps I should reserve my musings for another day. 

Yep, for another day.

Another Personality Test

I used to be an INFJ in college; and I've come a long way since then. ;p

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test...

ESTJ-The Supervisor

You scored 73% I to E, 79% N to S, 62% F to T,  and 26% J to P!

   

Your type is known as the supervisor, as you are not hesitant to give your stamp of approval on others - or tell them how they are lacking if they are.  You are surprised when others don't seem grateful that you have set them straight.  Your type also belongs to the larger group called guardians.  Experience is what matters to you, not experimentation or conjecture.  You often take a lead role in the many groups and organizations you belong to.  You worry a great deal about society falling apart, morality degrading, and what the world is coming to.  You share your personality type with 10% of the population.

As a romantic partner, you communicate very clearly your strong opinions so your partner always knows where they stand.  You are dependable, responsible, and rock solid.  You can be rather infexible about giving up any control and insist on keeping a schedule, although you have great energy and enthusiam for planned adventures.  You have difficulty seeing other's points of view and your biggest downfall in a relationship is dismissing your partner's feelings as illogical.  You feel most appreciated for being trustworthy, efficient, and productive.  You wish to be thanked tangibly for the ways you keep your lives on track.

Your group summary:  Guardians (SJ)

Your Type Summary:  ESTJ

Take The LONG Scientific Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

Hangover

O yeah, the party boi is back! Woohoo!!! ;p

Crash

There were times when, during some of my many solitary musings, I wondered how I never figured in any major accidents before. Not that I was wishing for it, mind you; in fact, I was thankful not to have been involved with any instance of that sort. It's just that it had occurred to me that I have been relatively safe my whole life.

Until today.

On my way back to the office from researching elsewhere (a story for another time, hehe), I experienced my first road accident. Seated at the back of the cab reading my research, I felt everything move in slow motion the way it does in movies. The cab driver's deep intake of breath accompanied by a strong thud of his foot on the break, the view of the car in front of us as the distance between the two cars became less and less every second, and my keen awareness of my cab's sliding motion as it swayed both me and the driver to an eventual hit. Everything was in slow motion until the actual crash--when everything almost instantly played in fast forward. This included the crashing sound by the destroyed hood, the sudden jolt of the car and me being smashed at the back of the  passenger seat--all in a quarter of a second.

It was weird--the feeling of everything slowing down then almost as suddenly jerking in fast forward without you knowing any better. It's as if you were given one last chance to view everything without its complicity before it's literally snatched away from you.

What's more and what's really weird was that, despite the real danger I was in, at the back of my head, I felt like laughing. I felt like saying, "ah, so that's how it feels like to crash into another car." 

Talk about one person being a total psycho. Tsk Tsk. 

Maybe it was because I knew my life wasn't in any real danger. Maybe it was that I was safe because I was at the back of the car. I dunno. But whatever it was, it got me thinking. If I can laugh at the face of danger, if I can face disaster and still maintain a laughing composure, does it mean I'm brave? Or does it mean I'm just one stupid fool ready to die?

Dunno. Argh.

Makati during weekends

Makati is different during the weekends. There are less people, less traffic. It becomes a breeze traveling through Makati Avenue; no unnecessary hold up at the intersection of Jupiter street, nor at Gil Puyat avenue. Even the air seems to exude a certain freshness peculiarly absent when people are bustling around. It feels unrestricted and, literally, roomy.

Which was also the feeling I had when I entered the office yesterday. The lack of any other lawyers shuffling one paper too many made me feel relaxed. I wasn't too careful and composed when I did my business. My speakers were on, the whole room was filled with music I like and no one was there to be bothered with it. Even the use of Lex Libris was better. I didn't have to be conscious of using all the software windows for fear that others may not be able to access the same (only a certain number of windows can be opened at any given time due to license issues).

Yes, Makati is different during the weekends. And I like it.

There is something to be said about rediscovering the beauty of a place that has seemingly lost its splendor due only to familiarity. The once overwhelming structures and buildings which dissolve in the background weeks after their first viewing reclaim their wonder when, in a single day, the monotony of routine is broken. When the wave of the same thing disappears and alerts the mind that something is different, when the mind sharpens its senses once more in hope of identifying that which has become different, we discover the most wonderful things. We perceive that which has always been there yet we have never seen, or better yet, that which we have already seen but soon forgotten.

Funny how this happens to most of us most of the time. How we allow ourselves to get jaded with so many inconsequential things and events and routine that we are unable to see new ones as they come; or worse, how we allow ourselves to get swallowed by monotony that we forget what we have always known and truly enjoyed before. 

Like home. Like friends. Like love.

Or even like the love of writing. 

I wonder if, like Makati during the weekends, I can look at myself constantly in a different light, in an angle I have never seen before, and remember those that I have already forgotten, do the activities I haven't done in a long while, and write the insights that have already been suppressed to the recesses of my mind.

I wonder if I could re-invent myself and manifest a change that others, even the closest of my friends, would be surprised to discover. 

If only to re-live the wonders that come with them.

If only to free some clutter in my life to make room for another someone.

If only to shine anew for those that have already gone by.

Yes, Makati is different during the weekends. And I like it.

Incompetence

I was looking at my files before leaving from work today, when I saw this blog entry which I wrote two weeks ago (and yes, it was at a time when I was still not doing much in the office, hehe). Anyway, here it is.

1 August 2008

Grrr. I have had it with government bureaucracy. Today, I headed to a government office to clarify some registration requirements provided for in the Philippine Mining Act of 1995. Naturally, I proceeded to the Office of Legal Affairs to talk to a lawyer who, presumably, should know the requirements of their office. 

But no (u-huh, and you see this coming), all she did was refer me to another agency and blamed them for coming up with a "vague" implementing rules and regulations (IRR). Hello! The hell about the IRR; the law specifically points to her office for a certification that is a requirement. Why the freaking hell doesn't she know about it? And worse, couldn't the lawyer and her office staff be bothered to check the law, which, by her admission, is so vague even she couldn't decipher what it means? Couldn't she spare a minute or so to call her counterpart in that other agency, and discuss the law which causes confusion? Isn't that supposed to be her job?

But more than this, if the lawyer in that agency didn't know about it, how should any company looking to invest in the Philippines know about it? It's bad enough that there are so many requirements that need be submitted; but for the government agencies not to know about them? I don't think it's acceptable. 

Not by a long mile. 

No wonder foreign investors don't favor the Philippines. Argh.

P.S.

Makmak, yes, I have seen that you tagged me. I promise to make my entry as soon as I can, hehe. ;p

Blabbering

It's 9:30, Sunday evening, and I find that I have nothing to do. Well, not really, I have to review a case first thing tomorrow and it would be helpful if I start some reading now. But somehow, I find this time not right for that. Instead, I feel gravitated towards my macbook, to bask my eyes in the glaring radiation only to surf the net (as if my eyes haven't been stressed enough by the regular exposure to it during work days, argh). 

I suppose after everything, after all that keeps me busy nowadays, it is still the net that I turn to during these times when I have nothing else to keep me busy with. Others turn to TVs, DVDs, or MP3s. I, however, like many others, turn to the comfort of the net. And when this happens, of course, I blog. Even if I have nothing good to write about. Even if no good insight really comes from my mind. 

Like now. 

I just want the pressure off. I just want some avenue to release some leaking creative juice. I just want to type away even if I have nothing to say.

Weird, huh?

First Paycheck!!!

As a lawyer.

(And yeah, you don't have to squint, I blurred it out, hehe.. ;p)

Absence

Cross Post from my Multiply site...

I haven't been blogging here lately (yes, I do have another blog, hehe), and just now, I started to wonder what my contacts have  been thinking regarding it. Perhaps some have thought that I have lost the touch. Perhaps others that I have been dry creatively. That's true. I haven't been in touch with my creative writing skills lately and yes my creative juices haven't been flowing the same way. But this is only because I have started working again few weeks ago. And I have been consistently tired, physically and mentally, since. 

But, mind you, I am not complaining. I'm discovering this whole new practice that I didn't think would be fun at the onset. How glad am I that my misconceptions are proven, well, wrong. I hope this fascination of mine in this field continues, such that I would want to be an expert on it in the future. Nothing drives me well enough than the desire to know everything that I can on something that I am totally interested in. 

And this, I think, is the start of it all. I hope I'd have enough courage to see it through 'til the end.

Now, my life revolves around work

I love my work. It challenges me. It forces me to keep on studying. It makes me want to stay very late in the office and spend my whole Saturday there too. This is what I'm looking for, a place where I will once more seriously question what I know the way I did in law school, a place where there are many avenues to learning and becoming the best lawyer that I can be. 

That's why I'm working tomorrow, that's why I'm temporarily suspending my partying (until next week, that is, hehe), that's why I will try to work tonight.

Who would have thought that the grueling training I received in law school would have been so ingrained in my system that I am, consciously or subconsciously, yearning for it. 

But however it may be, why ever it may be, one thing is for sure, I am in a place where I want to be, and I will not stop until I absorb all that it has to offer. Promise.

Office works

I have been silent lately. And that's because I started working again three days ago. As usual, I had that feeling of loneliness whenever I find myself in an unfamiliar territory. I can't let myself lose, and because of that, I can't feel comfortable, which in turn leads to, well, loneliness. 

Good thing one of the senior associates gave me research work, it kept me going for the rest of my first day. And it carried on during the second day, which subsequently heralded a new set of work! Wee! Contrary to some, I like having tons of things to do during my first few days of work, it keeps my mind on work and off the unlovely feeling of being alone in a new place. Hehe.

Also, today, almost all the lawyers in the firm went to Hongkong (yes, that's an office-paid affair) and thus, I didn't feel as constricted. I just relaxed, got to know more about the firm and the people there, and got oriented on how to react during wartime in the office (and I really did pick up very helpful tips, hehe).

And because I just chatted the day away, I didn't get any work done. Which now means that I have to go back to the office tomorrow to finish some stuff. Argh. It's the first week and I'm already spending my Saturday morning in my workplace. Talk about being a workaholic. Hehe.. ;p

P.S.

I just came home from watching The Dark Knight. It was amazing! Definitely, a must-see (will try to write a review soon ;p).

Oh Happy Day

Yesterday, with a hope of easing the burden eating me up inside, Ker and I proceeded to Greenbelt 3 to watch our long-awaited movie, Mamma Mia. And my oh my, it didn't disappoint.

Because I was hurting, and because I was watching it with Ker, my bestest best friend, this song touched my ailing heart. 

Chiquitita

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong

You're enchained by your own sorrow

In your eyes there's no hope for tomorrow

How I hate to see you like this

There's no way you can deny it

I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth

I'm a shoulder you can cry on

Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on

You were always sure of yourself

Now I see you've broken a feather

I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know

How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leavin'

You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end

You will have no time for grievin'

Chiquitia you and I cry

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

Let me hear you sing once more like you did before

Sing a new song Chiquitita

Try once more like you did before

Sing a new song Chiquitita

So the walls came tumblin' down

And your love's a blown out candle

All is gone and it seems too hard to handle

Chiquitita tell me the truth

There's no way you can deny it

I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know

How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leavin'

You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end

You will have no time for grievin'

Chiquitia you and I cry

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

Let me hear you sing once more like you did before

Sing a new song Chiquitita

Try once more like you did before

Sing a new song Chiquitita

Try once more like you did before

Sing a new song Chiquitita

With a tear or two, I gobbled it all in, the message of the song. It's as if I hear Ker talking to me, telling me to try once more, like I have always done before, when I loose that sense of sureness of myself, when I'm heartbroken and down, to sing a new song.

Then there was more. Despite this sadness, the movie made me remember: I can still dance. And before this burden, I was having the time of my life. So f*ck this sadness, I'm getting up and digging the dance floor.

Dancing queen

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your live

See that girl, watch that scene

Dig in the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low

Looking out for a place to go

We're they play the right music, getting in the swing

You've come to look for a king

Anybody could be that guy

Night is young and the music's high

With a bit of rock music, everything is fine

You're in the mood for a dance

And when you get the chance

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

See that girl, watch that scene

Dig in the dancing queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on

Leave 'em burnin and then you're gone

Lookin' out for an other, anyone will do

You're in the mood for a dance

And when you get the chance

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen

Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

See that girl, watch that scene

Dig in the dancing queen

Dig in the dancing queen

 After these two songs (they were sung one after the other while Meryl Streep was being cheered by her best buds), I felt infinitely better. It's the feeling of bouncing back from a long low point in life. It was as if the burden has been lifted from my soul. 

And yeah, I will sing a new song and dig in that dance floor once more.

P.S.

The good news didn't stop there. Upon returning home and checking my mail, I found out that the firm I want made me an offer. I'm accepting it on Monday. Cool.

And because I was that happy, having felt no burden anymore and getting the job that I wanted, I texted someone who shockingly was no longer angry (or at least was using smileys in texts). 

Thanks Lord. You're the best. ;p

Pains

It is disconcerting how calm I am waking up today. This despite the untoward turn of events last night. I thought I would break down and not recover when I learned of two terrible news, one after the other, in just the span of an hour.

First was the fight that started from little quotes in text. In hindsight, I suppose what went wrong is the fact that we do not share the same sense of humor. For what was a pure and simple joke from my part apparently wasn't so for the other. That I now understand. Something was said and we have two different ways of interpreting it. One is not necessarily wrong if you take their point of view. I still say that I didn't think of any and all of the implications that were said. On the other hand, I get that from the other's perspective, it could very well have been that. And sad as it may be, I don't think it can be reconciled. Sad.

Then, still distraught, I received the next news. My cousin, who has a third eye, had another premonition–of death. 

Unstable as I was when I received the news, I nearly broke down. She has predicted that an airplane will crash few years ago, and on top of that she predicted two deaths in our family. In all instances, she was correct.

An instant conference call among my cousins and me ensued. We were all scared, trembling even. We decided to go to church together. Today. At St. Jude's Chapel. I don't think our family can take another blow this year. And we only have our prayers to fight with.

On top of these two heart-wrenching news, I have two job interviews today. One after the other. I hope I have been trained well enough not to show my emotion during these critical times. 

I hope everything goes well (with you). 

I hope the premonition is wrong this time.

I hope I can live a life I so desperately deserve.

So, once more, I can truly be happy.

'Til We Meet Again

It's time. I now have to go and create the necessary distance. Not for anybody else, but for me. It was fun, sure. But apparently, that is all that it is gonna be. Nothing more. At least not in the immediately foreseeable future. And so I have to go. Resume the life I gradually built. That which was tumbled these past two weeks. I would have tried to hold on, yes, but as I have always said, long distance relationships never work. Not for my significant others, not for me. I could have held out for a few weeks, of course, but for the rest of the year? Nah. I would have just prolonged an inevitable conclusion. So I might as well traverse that other path as early as now, and enjoy the rest of my year. Especially now that I have discovered how it is to have fun, now that I have found buddies who have shown me how to have fun.

Thank you for the conversations, thank you for the dinners. But now, I will have to go. And so will you. Goodbye, old chap. 'Til we meet again.

Re-evaluating my Perspective

If there's one thing I learned in these few short months of hiatus, it is this: I must learn to appreciate the work that I do in whatever forum it may be presented, for only then can I truly perform and share the best in me. I have always known my worth, but I have never contextualized it in my work environment. Thus, the discontent, the resentment and the pull to become who I am destined to be. Now that I have been beaten to a pulp, now that I have come to realize that I will never be where I thought I should be, I have re-evaluated my perspective. Now, I can say that where ever I am, in whatever forum I'll be, I will still be the best in my field. I just have to start working for it. And now is the best time to start.

Wish me luck.

Super Haaalf Chickeeeen

After hearing mass earlier today, I headed to Andok's Manok in Makati Avenue to buy for myself and Ker one of our best-loved meals available within our area: inihaw na liempo! Yum yum.

So upon reaching the store and after I gave my order to the sales guy, a lady accompanied by a little girl came from behind and, in one of the most annoying voice and intonation combo that I have ever heard, asked, 

"Ano yung super haaalf na chickeeeen?" 

This she said with an intonation of a call center agent trying hard to sport a fake accent.

I raised an eyebrow but didn't put much thought into it. After all, I just heard mass, so I should still be feeling calm and at peace. The sales guy answered that it was half of the chicken and the girl said she'd have one of those. 

But then, instead of just waiting quietly for her order like how everybody else was doing, she didn't stop there.

"Ano yhung powrkcharaaap?" she asked.

"Yung pork chop po," answered the guy while pointing to the very obvious pork chop sitting right in front of us–as in directly in front of us.

"E magkano yung bAAAArbecue?"

The guy gave the price.

"Sigeh (here imagine Kris Aquino in Wheel of Fortune), dalawa nun." Then she turns to the child beside her and asked, "Gusto mo nung bAAAArbecue? Ayun oh."

At this point, I was already having an unbearable headache. With eyebrows furrowed, I looked away and I tried to drown out the annoying voice yapping away beside me. 

But no, I wasn't that lucky. 

When she saw that the guy was chopping my inihaw na liempo, she asked again, "Eh yang lieeeempo, pwedeng haaalf?" When the guy answered no, she added,

"Sige, ano na lang, dalawang raays (rice)."

As if she wasn't annoying enough, and to my dismay, she made a summary of her order,  "So yung order ko eh, isang super haaalf chickeeeen, dalawang bAAAArbecue saka dalawang raays."

To which she added,

"Yung super haaalf chickeeeen ba e kalahati nun?" pointing her finger to the chicken roasting away in the rotisserie. I nearly looked at her with eyebrows raised and with an expression saying "Hello! Half nga di ba? Could your question be any more annoying?"

Good thing I didn't because the guy chopping away already stopped chopping, looked at her, looked at where she was pointing and, with a confused/amused/annoyed expression said "Opo" like he was saying duh.

Thank goodness, my order was ready at that time and I just had to pay. I handed in my money and, without counting my change, hurriedly dashed off the scene away from the annoying person.

Argh. Some headache I got. Tsk tsk. And I just wanted to eat. Naman!

I am the Devil?

Naman! Imagine the shock that registered on my face when I clicked on the button and this card came up. Whew. Tsk tsk. I think this represents the current phase of my life--ONLY. (Defensive! Haha. Thanks Mak for the link.)

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Note

Hold your horses, J, while you still can. You know where this will lead to from the first hour, don't fool yourself that you can make it any different. What will be will still be, what is, however, depends on you. So stay strong, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others before you, and be the man that you think you have become. Draw on what you've learned and use it to shape what more there is to learn.

Besides, so many options are open, right? Go dwell on them first. See their worth and never miss the opportunity to expand your horizons. After all, it is you who have always said to make an informed choice, right? 

Right.

Conversations

Since my last break up, I missed having long and reflective conversations with anyone (save from my roommate of course). I missed talking to someone about anything and everything under the sun, the kind of talk that doesn't feel forced, that which does not have lull and awkward moments even if you just met the person you're talking to for the first time, the kind akin to the way Jesse and Celine conversed in the movie Before Sunset, relaxed yet serious, spontaneous yet still forceful and insightful. 

I missed having these kinds of talks.

Until last night.

We just talked. And talked. And talked. Over dinner and over coffee. The night just passed us by (at least according to my perspective). For a first date with someone I just met, it feels like I have been conversing with the person for years the way old friends are. I felt like I was talking to my dearest and closest friends, like how T, S and I chatted the night away at Serendra few weeks ago. In fact, I think I have shared more insight and info about me to my date than I have to my recent set of acquaintances, and I have been going out with these people for a few months now. Needless to say, I absolutely enjoyed my night. And I hope we meet again. If not for the romance, then at least for friendship. 

And the long conversations, of course.