Tonight

Here, I lie. Snuggled under the blankets of cold nights. Pondering over the wonders of my life. Seething with the joy of content, of fulfillment of dreams long unanswered.

I have braved the cascades of incidents, and triumphed over the vicissitudes of the undefined. And the less stable.

I have etched a niche in the world. I have defined myself. Work, accomplishments, love. Most of all love. I challenged the odds and ended up not moving the mountainous circumstances, but finding the delicate softness of intimacy.

Right here, under these blankets, I found what I craved for, what everyone longs for. I searched, and was found. And I have never let go.

Yes, under the unblinking stars, amidst the soothing winds tonight, I lie.

And I wish to stop.

Turning 30

Almost three decades.

Hardly the first time this happens to anyone in the world. Countless of people have passed through the threshold. Some faced it like a scared cat lost in the woods. Some, like a stallion charging to the sunset.

Question is, how will I?

I've been thinking about my thirtieth naming day since I was 24—my age when I stopped counting the years. That time, anyone anywhere near their third decade was ancient. Their age, and their lives, not worth a single thought as those were mere happenstance in a very very far future.

Now, I'm there. Almost, at least. And unlike the cat, I know I'm not lost. But unlike the stallion, I couldn't quite gallop away.

I'm almost 30. I'm a lawyer. I have no love life for the last year, or so. I'm a government employee, and I have had several jobs already.

What sense is there to this kind of life? To my life? I'm afraid. I'm excited. I'm anxious. I'm relieved. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do.

I'm turning 30 for crying out loud!